The Way I Loved You
by BritNP
Summary: Even though Kurt is dating Blaine, he still can't let go of Dave. After hearing a song that makes him think of Dave, he decides to make a playlist to try and get over him.
1. The Way I Loved You

**A/N: Hi guys! I'm incredibly excited about this one. There are some things that you should be aware of, though. This is most definitely AU. Kurt never transferred to Dalton in his junior year, and this is taking place in his senior year. Also, I know this is marked Kurtofsky, but it starts out with Klaine together. Although, I wouldn't worry too much about that for now, because you rarely see him at this point. **

* * *

The whole mess started with Taylor Swift. Kurt felt okay blaming her for this, because he had to place the blame somewhere, and it wasn't going to be on himself. He could blame Blaine, but then that wouldn't really be fair, would it? Blaine had been sweet and thoughtful, and Kurt really couldn't bring himself to blame Blaine.

But it was in his car that all of this started.

Not in a dirty way. Perverts.

No, it happened when Blaine was picking him up for dinner, and Blaine started the car and suddenly Taylor Swift was blasting through his speakers. Kurt's first thought was, _Who blares Taylor Swift like it's dubstep?_ and his second thought was, _I love this song_, quickly followed by, _This song fits my life so well._

And then he realized he was thinking of Dave while he was in Blaine's car and he immediately felt guilty and uncomfortable. It wasn't _his_ fault he was thinking of Dave. It was Taylor Swift's fault because she wrote this stupid perfect song that explained his entire situation so well that he almost wondered if maybe she could get into people's heads.

It'd been four months since he and Dave had broken up, and a month since he had started seeing Blaine. So, all in all, it had been five months since the break-up and he _knew_ he shouldn't still be thinking about this. Especially not since Dave had someone else, too. He was getting into dangerous territory now, because he only ever got angry when he thought about Dave and Sebastian, so he turned his attention to Blaine.

If Blaine noticed Kurt's discomfort and how he was suddenly detached, he didn't mention it. Kurt sometimes wondered if Blaine could read him as well as everyone thought he could. Dave could take one look at his face, hear him say one word and know exactly what was going through Kurt's head. Blaine hadn't shown this power yet, if he possessed it.

Damn it. He was thinking of Dave again.

He really needed to stop comparing them.

_He can't see the smile I'm faking._

Kurt decided that he hated Taylor Swift. He also decided that he was going to go through his music tonight and make a mixtape. For who, he didn't know. Maybe it would help him get all of these feelings out and he'd be able to move on. Honestly, he should have moved on by now. Especially if he was already seeing someone else, but it wasn't that easy. Nothing was ever that easy. Why couldn't everything be cut and dry, black and white? Life would be _so_ much easier.

He discovered that Taylor Swift actually had a number of songs that made him really think of Dave. _The Way I Loved You_, the one that played in the car on his date with Blaine, being the most relevant. He wondered for a moment if maybe there was some god up there and this was his sick way of getting back at Kurt for saying that he didn't exist. He eyed his ceiling, giving a shake of his head before looking back at the music on his laptop. He brought the song up, knowing it was going to take him down memory lane, but almost welcoming it because as much as he hated to admit it, he missed Dave.

_He is sensible and so incredible  
__And all my single friends are jealous_

Maybe not all of them were jealous, but they were all happy for him. Or so they said they were. Sometimes Santana brought up Dave, which usually made him shoot her a glare that could kill, but she usually shut up after that. Santana was pretty much the little demon in his brain that never hesitated to tell him that he missed Dave. He wondered what Santana was gaining by doing that. She probably just liked seeing him get all uncomfortable, if her satisfied smirk was any indication.

_He says everything I need to hear  
__And it's like I couldn't ask for anything better_

He realized that this was true, at least partly. Blaine was sweet, and Kurt found that whatever the problem was, Blaine could say anything to make it better. Kurt thought it was part of the charm that attracted him to Blaine in the first place. If he was going to be honest with himself, Blaine wasn't really even his type, but he was just so... together. He was pretty much the opposite of Dave, and Kurt couldn't help but think that maybe that's the real reason he started seeing Blaine. But he _did_ like him.

_He opens up my door and I get into his car  
__And he says you look beautiful tonight  
__And I feel perfectly fine_

Kurt took a moment to laugh at the irony of this song playing when he got into the car to go out to dinner with Blaine. He _would_ have been fine if this stupid song hadn't started playing, and why was he torturing himself with it now? He was opening pandora's box, and he knew it, but he couldn't stop himself. He'd already stepped into it and there was no going back. Maybe this would help. Maybe he'd get all of those feelings for Dave out, and then he could focus on his relationship with Blaine.

_But I miss screaming and fighting  
__And kissing in the rain  
__And it's two AM and I'm cursing your name  
__You're so in love that you act insane  
__And that's the way I loved you  
__Breaking down and coming undone  
__It's a rollercoaster kinda rush  
__And I never knew I could feel that much  
__And that's the way I loved you_

The chorus hit him hard. As ridiculous as it was, he missed their stupid, messed up relationship. Their ridiculous fights over the dumbest things. He'd always known that no matter how big the fight was, no matter how much they screamed at each other, they still loved each other more than anything else in the world. He just never thought there would be a fight big enough to break them up. He wondered if maybe it was twisted to miss a relationship that seemed so unhealthy from the outside. Mercedes might even bitch him out if he told her that he missed Dave. Better not go to her with that.

_He respects my space and never makes me wait  
__And he calls exactly when he says he will_

Kurt couldn't help but laugh. Normally, he had been the one making Dave wait. Sometimes Dave bitched and groaned about it, but Kurt knew that the moment he stepped out looking all sexy, Dave would stop. Dave would give him the up-down, and Kurt could see that glint in his eyes. The one that said Kurt's hair definitely wasn't going to be in place when he got home. Kurt had almost forgotten what it was like to have someone look at him like that. Blaine never did, but Kurt thought maybe that was because he was trying to be a gentleman. And Blaine _never _complained about how long it took for Kurt to get ready, but Kurt thought that maybe it took Blaine just as long.

Blaine _did_ always call when he said he would, unlike Dave. Kurt was kind of back and forth on this, because it was nice to be able to say when Blaine was going to call him and have nothing else going on at the time. Unlike Dave. Dave's calls were sporadic, beginning with apologies about losing track of time while playing video games. Kurt just usually rolled his eyes at this point and carried on with whatever he was doing while he talked to Dave. He missed Dave's calls, though, because they usually lasted all night. He'd wake up the next morning with the phone close to his ear, and he'd thank god for the fact that he had unlimited mobile to mobile on his plan or that bill would be _so_ high. Blaine's phone calls were usually shorter, though they did go through skincare routines together, which was fun. Although, he kind of missed Dave making fun of him while he did it, which was weird to say. Who missed their boyfriend _picking on them_?

_He's close to my mother, talks business with my father  
__He's charming and endearing and I'm comfortable_

These lines were also _so_ true. Blaine connected really well on some level with his parents, and he couldn't be happier about that. But then, Blaine had a clean slate when he came around. Dave had been on shaky ground with his parents because of his and Kurt's history. So maybe it wasn't really fair, given that Dave had to mend things, and Blaine had a perfectly clean slate. Then again, that had been Dave's fault. If Dave hadn't done what he'd done in the first place, Dave never would have anything to make up for. But Kurt also understood why Dave had done the things he'd done, and he couldn't say that he was okay with that, but he'd forgiven him. Obviously.

The chorus repeated, and Kurt shut his eyes, remembering a million fights, a million apologies. He felt a twinge in his chest as the memories flooded him. He hadn't really allowed himself to think about it, to remember for a long time. It had been too painful all those months ago, but he felt that he was stronger now. Strong enough to face it.

_He can't see the smile I'm faking  
__And my heart's not breaking  
__Cause I'm not feeling anything at all_

That wasn't exactly true, he thought. He genuinely liked Blaine, but he also could feel that something was missing. Something he'd had with Dave that he didn't have with Blaine, and he hadn't yet been able to put his finger on it. He'd shied away from that thought for the past month, hoping that whatever it was, it would eventually find its way into their lives. Maybe they just needed time. Maybe he just needed to let go of Dave. Whatever the case, he was giving Blaine a chance.

_And you were wild and crazy  
Just so frustrating, intoxicating  
__Complicated, got away by some mistake and now_

Dave in a nutshell, he decided. He knew that Dave would say the same about him. At least_ that_ was something they had been able to agree on. They drove each other insane, frustrated each other... He listened as the chorus played again. He was insane for missing Dave, wasn't he? Insane for thinking about his messed up relationship with Dave when he had an incredibly sweet relationship with Blaine that was going so well. He chewed on his lip as he glanced at his laptop. He wasn't going to go through anymore music right now. This was enough for him for one night, he told himself as he powered it down.

If his relationship with Blaine was going so well, then why was he missing Dave?


	2. Forever & Always

**A/N: Being without internet for an entire week meant I had a lot of time to write. Because of this, I actually have seventeen chapters of this written, and I am in the middle of the eighteenth. (I don't even know if I can really call them chapters, as I haven't really written one over 3500 words.) Anyway, this means they'll be coming in rather frequently, I think. I was going to wait and just post one every week, but that seems too long if I've already gotten them all written up, don't you think? So why don't _you_ tell me how often you'd like to see them come out?**

* * *

He picked up on it again the next night, going through the rest of Taylor Swift's songs to see which ones were the most relevant to how he felt. He still hated her. He felt like she'd crawled into his brain and wrote songs based on his own feelings. They all hit too close to home, and he kind of wanted to punch her for making him feel like this.

The next song he'd added to his playlist – which he had named "The Way I Loved You" – was the piano version of _Forever & Always_. He had grabbed a notebook and started writing down the lines from each song that jumped out at him, the ones that hit so close to home it made him want to cry. The ones that evoked some kind of memory or full-blown emotions. It was bad enough that he'd chosen the piano version of this song, rather than the band version. For some reason, it just made the song that much sadder.

_I hold on to the night_

_You looked me in the eye  
And told me you loved me_

Kurt's first thought was the very time that Dave first said those words to him. They hadn't even been together. Not yet, anyway. Kurt wondered for a moment if he should let himself go there. If he should let himself remember that. But hell, he was already going down memory lane anyway, so he might as well.

It was the week following his dad and Carole's wedding. He'd somehow convinced his dad to let him stay at McKinley, which hadn't been easy at all. Finn had helped him, telling his dad that he and the other Glee boys would make sure that Kurt was never alone, and that Karofsky would never even be able to get near Kurt.

Kurt had broken this whole promise, though. It hadn't been easy, because Finn, Puck, and Sam had been tailing him all around school for the first few days. He felt smothered, and he needed time to himself. But he also needed time with Karofsky, because he needed to talk to him. He wasn't sure what was compelling him to talk to him, why he felt he needed to so badly. He'd been trying to work up the courage, but Karofsky hadn't made that easy on him. Kurt was terrified of him. There was no telling what Karofsky was going to do.

But he had to know what that kiss was about.

He'd managed to shake Sam off during lunch, telling him that he was going to the library. Sam had escorted him to the library, which made Kurt want to roll his eyes, but he'd gone with it anyway. He'd waited until Sam was on his way back to the cafeteria and out of sight before he'd left the library and headed for the locker room. He knew this was where he'd find Karofsky, because he'd watched him go in there every day at lunch time. He was sure that he was mostly doing it to avoid Kurt.

Kurt had been expecting Karofsky to be lifting weights or punching something, but he hadn't really been expecting Karofsky to actually be _eating lunch_. Definitely not in the locker room, which would make even Finn lose his appetite. Now he definitely knew that Karofsky was avoiding him, which became even more evident when Karofsky looked up at him like a deer in headlights.

"What do you want Hummel?"

"To talk." Kurt had said simply. Quietly.

"I don't want to talk to you. And you don't want to talk to me. You wanted me to stay away, remember?" Karofsky asked, glaring up at him. Kurt blinked. Under normal circumstances, he might be a little terrified of that glare, but right now, he was kind of shocked by the words.

"Since when do you listen?" Kurt asked, crossing his arms.

"Since I got expelled, dumbass." Karofsky rolled his eyes, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Kurt kind of wanted to say something about being called a dumbass, but it wasn't an insult directed at him for being gay, so he decided he'd just go ahead and take it.

"Fair enough," Kurt said, leaning up against a row of lockers. His courage was beginning to ebb, and his knees were going weak. He needed some kind of support before they completely buckled and he fell. This was such a stupid idea, and he couldn't believe he was doing this. He was alone in an empty locker room with the person he feared the most. What had he been thinking?

"If you're gonna talk, then talk." Karofsky finally said, and for the first time Kurt noticed that he was just as nervous. Kurt wasn't sure how to take this. It gave him a bit more confidence, but also took some away because making Karofsky feel cornered and caged was what had led to that kiss in the first place. They were back at square one, once again.

"Why did you kiss me?" Kurt blurted. Karofsky's eyes widened, and Kurt wanted to take it back. Just grab his words and make them disappear. He had more tact than that, and it was silly to just ask a stupid question out loud like that. He didn't see anyone, but what if someone else was in here? Karofsky would kill him for sure.

"I thought it was obvious, stupid." Karofsky said, looking away from Kurt. That. That right there was the reason Kurt thought it meant more than just a way to show Kurt that he was gay. That and when Karofsky had gone in for a second kiss, plus his anger when Kurt had pushed him away. Kurt hadn't handled that right at all, but he was caught off-guard and he was _terrified_.

"You're gay. I got that." Kurt said quietly, sitting at the end of the bench because yeah, his courage was definitely gone and he had no idea how he was still in here. His body was telling him to flee, but his mind told him that he had to stay. He imagined that was the stubborn Hummel blood in him.

"I don't _know_ if I'm gay," Karofsky said quickly, his voice strained. Kurt just nodded, biting his lip.

"Okay..." He said, trying to think of where to go with this. "Did you like it?"

"What?" Karofsky asked, dumbstruck.

"When you kissed me. Did you like it?" Kurt asked. He was pretty sure he knew that answer, because if Karofsky hadn't, he wouldn't have gone in for that second kiss, but he was going to work through it with him because he remembered being in Karofsky's position, and it wasn't an easy thing to come to terms with.

"I... w-well..." Karofsky faltered, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion as he thought back to that particular event. He let out a small sigh before saying, "Yeah."

"Have you ever kissed a girl?" Kurt asked and oh god, he was diving into really personal territory here, but it was to help him. Part of Kurt was really curious, but the other part told him it was strictly to help.

"Yeah."

"Did you like it?"

"Not really. Did you kiss Brittany?" Karofsky asked and it was Kurt's turn to be shocked. He had almost forgotten about that whole ordeal, and he hadn't realized that Karofsky had known about it. Of course, how could you _not_ notice how ridiculous Kurt had looked trying to dress like that? Even weirder was that he was strutting around the school with Brittany Pierce on his arm.

"Yeah. Yeah, I did." Kurt answered, looking at Karofsky.

"Did you like it?" Karofsky asked, and Kurt shook his head. Karofsky nodded and said, "Maybe I'm gay, then."

"So that's why you kissed me? To see if you were gay?" Kurt asked.

"Kind of." Karofsky answered, looking away from Kurt again. The shifty eyes. There was more to it than that, Kurt knew. Part of him wanted to know, the other part didn't. The part of him that did won out.

"There was another reason?" Kurt asked. Karofsky didn't look back at him, but Kurt could see that he was thinking hard about whatever it was. Trying to decide whether or not he was going to tell Kurt. "I know this probably sounds really ridiculous, considering... but you can talk to me. And you can trust me. Which you might not believe. But I promise you that no one other than Blaine knows about the kiss, and I'm not even going to tell him about this conversation."

"Why not?" Karofsky asked, looking at Kurt now.

"I told him because I didn't know how to handle it, and he's kind of like a mentor to me," Kurt shrugged. "I wasn't really trying to understand before. I was just trying to pass off the responsibility of it all to someone else who had more experience. But I don't want to do that now. I want to understand."

Karofsky studied Kurt for what was really only a couple of minutes but felt like a lifetime. Kurt didn't know what he was looking for, but whatever it was, he must have found it because he finally said, "I kissed you because I think I'm in love with you."

Kurt wasn't sure what to say. His mind just seemed to go completely blank as he stared back at Karofsky. He had no idea if he should be upset, if he should be freaked out... he just didn't know. And oh god, what was he supposed to say now? But it didn't matter, because the bell was ringing and people were going to be in here soon.

"You better get going." Karofsky said quietly.

"I-I.. yeah." Kurt said, his voice finally working again. "See you."

"Bye, Kurt."

It later occurred to Kurt that was the first time Dave had ever called him Kurt. Not Hummel. Not something degrading. He'd called him by his name, and that's why Kurt believed that Dave was telling the truth that day. It had taken him a long time to wrap his mind around the idea that David Karofsky might be in love with him. He'd spent most of high school doing all these awful things to him, and he was in love with him? Maybe it was that stupid childish way of picking on someone that you liked, but no... Dave had taken it so much further than that. It was a lot more than that, and Kurt hadn't been sure at the time that he could ever really understand why Dave had lashed out at him the way he had, but later on down the road, he did.

_I stare at the phone_

_He still hasn't called_

_And then you feel so low  
You can't feel nothing at all_

Kurt snapped back to the present, the words almost mocking him. For weeks after their break-up, he'd done nothing but sit by the phone and wait for Dave to call. He'd also tried to call Dave, but Dave never picked up. It had never been that way before. The tables had been completely turned, and he didn't know how to deal with it. What did Dave do when he'd acted like that? Kurt smiled. He'd apologized and then bombarded him with stupid little notes that were so cheesey and of course, the chocolates. Kurt had sent Dave the butterscotch candies that he knew were his favorite, but they'd been returned, and somehow, that had hurt worse than if Dave had just kept them and ignored him.

_It rains in your bedroom  
Everything is wrong  
It rains when he's here  
And it rains when he's gone_

And that was basically their relationship. He couldn't live with Dave, but he couldn't live without him, either. He couldn't call it a love/hate relationship because he'd never actually _hated_ Dave, but there were times when he definitely just wanted to hit him. Not that it would have made much of a dent, seeing as Dave was so much stronger than him.

_So here's to everything_

_Coming down to nothing  
Here's to silence  
It cuts me to the core_

Kurt didn't like to think that everything they've been through, the bad and the good, meant nothing anymore. He wanted to believe that they had changed each other. He used to tell Dave that their lives were so intertwined now that he couldn't imagine ever not being a part of each others lives. He remembered saying that even if they should break up, he couldn't see them not being friends, at least. Kurt was wrong about a lot of things, and he hated admitting that, but this was one thing he swore he'd never be wrong about. It turns out he was, though. He couldn't see it any other way at this point, because Dave had completely shoved him out of his life. He wished so often that they could at least say hello to each other, but Dave wouldn't even give him that. He wouldn't give him anything. Most days, Kurt felt like he had never even existed to Dave. It killed him.

_Back up, baby back up_

_Did you forget everything?  
Back up, baby back up  
Did you forget everything?  
Back up, baby back up_

_Please back up_

Kurt was hit with a wave of emotions so overwhelming that it wrenched a sob from deep inside his chest. He hadn't even realized he was crying, but now he could feel the tears on his cheeks, taste them on his lips. He curled up in a ball on his bed, his laptop laying next to him as he listened to the song on repeat.


	3. The Other Side of the Door

He woke up cuddling his laptop.

It took him a moment to remember why he even had it in the first place, why he was still fully dressed in the outfit he had worn yesterday, and why his eyes felt so gritty. He was still so exhausted, but he figured that it was the crying he'd done that did him in like this. He shut the lid on his laptop, and shoved it up towards the head of the bed. He laid there trying to decide which he wanted more: a shower or coffee.

In the end, he'd decided on the the coffee. Normally, he wouldn't dare go downstairs without having gotten ready, but today was Sunday and he just couldn't bring himself to care. He climbed out of bed, stretching his arms and giving a big yawn before rubbing his eyes and heading downstairs. Everyone was sitting at the table, breakfast laid out in front of them. Kurt grabbed a mug and poured himself a cup of coffee before taking a seat next to Finn. Finn looked up from the Sunday comics to take a look at Kurt before saying, "Dude, you like like sh – crap."

Kurt rolled his eyes, a slight smile tugging at his lips as he looked over at his father, who just gave Finn a reproachful look from over the top of the Sunday paper. Kurt grabbed an orange, peeling it as he looked over at Finn, who was still staring at him. He sighed and said, "What?"

"You're wearing the same clothes you wore yesterday." Finn pointed out. Kurt cursed at him in his head as his dad lowered his paper to look at Kurt, and Carole gave him a concerned look. Since when did Finn ever pay attention to what he was wearing? Not that it mattered, because he could play this pretty easily.

"I fell asleep while working on my paper." Kurt said with a shrug, popping an orange slice into his mouth. Carole returned to her book, but not before giving Kurt a look that said she knew it was a lie. His father, however, did not catch it and went back to reading the paper.

"Oh, right. I forgot about that." Finn said. Kurt would have laughed at him, but then he'd be giving himself away. There was no paper. Well, there had been last week, but he'd finished it and handed it in. Kurt remembered that while he was in an AP Composition class, Finn was just in a regular English class. So he could lie about papers pretty regularly, and no one could really contradict him.

He finished his coffee and his orange and quietly slipped back up to his room. He wasn't really all that hungry, but it was nice to have some caffeine in his system. He took his time showering and doing his routine. He had nowhere to be, and it was nice to not have to rush through anything. And he knew that once he was all finished, he was going to end up going back to work on that damn playlist. He couldn't stay away from it. His mind kept wandering back to it, thinking about what songs would fit.

He opened up his laptop, waking it up so that he could mess around with it. _Forever & Always_ started to play, and he quickly shut it off. That song had done enough to him last night. It was time to move onto the next one. He scrolled through the list of songs, finally settling on _The Other Side of the Door_ before tugging out the notebook from under his pillow. He had no idea why he put it there, but at least it wasn't out in the open.

_In the heat of the fight  
I walked away  
Ignoring words that you were saying  
Trying to make me stay  
__I said this time, I've had enough_

A particular fight sprang to mind, and Kurt was amazed at how well it fit with the song. It probably shouldn't have surprised him because he was pretty convinced that Taylor Swift lived in his brain. He couldn't really remember what the fight had started over. Something about college, he thought, but it had ultimately turned to that same stupid fight they always had about Dave coming out. Looking back, Kurt rode Dave way too hard about coming out. He wished he could take it all back. If he'd only stopped pushing so hard for it, they wouldn't have fought so much. Well, maybe. They wouldn't have had _those_ fights that left them both angry for days.

Kurt remembered getting so pissed off that he was screaming at Dave as he walked back to his car, and Dave was begging him not to go. Begging him to just stay so that they could talk and he wouldn't yell at Kurt anymore, he promised. Kurt ignored him, shaking his head and glaring daggers at Dave as he climbed into his car and drove off.

_And you've called a hundred times  
But I'm not picking up  
Cause I'm so mad that I might tell you that it's over_

Kurt could remember just staring at his phone for hours as it rang over and over again. He grew a little more annoyed each time it went off, and he eventually ended up silencing it. But that didn't stop him from staring at it as it lit up. He was so pissed off, so angry with Dave, and it was irrational and he couldn't even figure out _why_ he was so mad at Dave, but part of him knew that if he answered the phone, he would say something so damaging that it would end everything. As pissed as he was, he didn't want to lose Dave.

_Me and my stupid pride  
Sitting here alone  
Going through the photographs  
Staring at the phone  
__I keep going back over  
__Things we both said  
__And I remember the slamming door  
__And all the things that I misread_

Kurt was a prideful man, and he would never hesitate to admit it. He knew that it wasn't something to be _proud_ of, but he also knew that it wasn't something he could really change about himself, either. Dave challenged him in this way, though, and he was actually kind of glad for that. He sat looking through the pictures on his computer, the ones in the folder marked 'D' that was buried within a million other pointless folders than no one would ever bother to look through. Dave hadn't called in a couple of hours and that made Kurt nervous. Had he fucked up? Had Dave finally realized that Kurt wasn't worth all this fighting, all of this mess? He went over the conversation in his head, wincing as he thought about the things that he said, wishing he could take them back. He was so damn stupid.

_I said leave but all I really want is you  
To stand outside my window  
Throwing pebbles  
Screaming I'm in love with you  
Stand there in the pouring rain  
Come back for more  
And don't you leave  
'Cause I know all I need is on  
The other side of the door_

Kurt smiled as he remembered how Dave had shown up later that night, in his front yard, well after everyone had gone to bed. He woke to music, but he knew it wasn't his because he was fairly certain he didn't have that version of that song on his laptop or his iPod. He looked around his room, confused as to where the music was coming from. And then he heard that little _chink_ of something hitting glass and looked to his window. He flinched as he heard it again, his eyebrows knitting together as he heard it a third time. He crossed the room to his window, and he had to suppress a smile when he saw Dave standing there. When Dave saw him, he dropped the pebbles and picked up his guitar as Kurt raised his window.

_And I scream out the window  
I can't even look at you  
I don't need you  
__But I do, I do, I do_

"What the hell are you doing, David?"

"I'm going to sing you a fucking song, and you're going to listen."

"Fuck you. Why should I do that?"

"Because I fucking love you and this is my apology, so please just listen to me."

_I say there's nothing you can say  
__To make this right again  
__I mean it, I mean it_

"It's not going to make everything magically better."

"Please, Kurt."

_With your face and your beautiful eyes  
__And the conversation with the little white lies  
__And the faded picture of a beautiful night_

"Okay."

_After everything, I must confess  
I need you_

The moment Dave had started singing, Kurt knew that all was forgiven. Dave only ever sang for Kurt, and even that was rare. Kurt wasn't too surprised that Dave had chosen a Beatles song. That was one of the few things that they had in common – their love for the Beatles. The song itself was very appropriate – _We Can Work It Out_. It was typically a more upbeat song, but Dave had tweaked the chords and was playing it more slowly, turning it into a sad acoustic version that conveyed everything he wanted and needed to say.

Kurt fell for Dave all over again in that moment, and Dave could see it. Kurt could tell by the way Dave was grinning at him, so smug and knowing he was forgiven. They were so focused on each other that neither of them had noticed Burt and Carole poking their heads out from their own window to watch the exchange. Not until Dave had finished and Burt cleared his throat and said, "That's good kid. Now quit giving our neighborhood a show and come inside to finish your making up."

Carole gave Kurt a huge grin before slipping back into her room, and Burt winked at him before he shut the window. Kurt looked down at Dave and grinned before rushing out of his room and down to the front door to let Dave in. Dave barely got an "I'm sorry" out before Kurt launched himself at Dave, throwing his arms around his waist and hugging him tight.

Kurt snapped back to the present and looked around his room. He remembered that after Dave had come out, he'd finally printed out those pictures and put them up on the bulletin board above his desk. He still had the ones with Dave and his family and his friends. It was just the ones of he and Dave alone that he'd taken down. A part of him wanted to get them back out and look through them. He found himself wondering if Blaine might ever make such a big romantic gesture like that, but then driving back and forth between Dalton and Lima was more than enough for him, really.

The sudden thought of Blaine had him checking his phone, and yep, there was a text from Blaine. He felt guilty, focusing so much on his relationship with Dave while he was with Blaine. _It's so you can get over him_, Kurt told himself. But he was beginning to wonder if he was getting over Dave or rekindling old feelings.


	4. The Story of Us

School wasn't normally something that Kurt dreaded. At least, not until he'd started his walk down memory lane with this stupid playlist and realized that he was going to see Dave at school today. Luckily for him, he and Blaine didn't go to the same school, so that was going to make things a little less uncomfortable. Sebastian didn't go to McKinley either, so he wouldn't have to see Dave and Sebastian together. That would really make things so much harder.

He wasn't at all surprised by the way his heart clenched in his chest when he saw the back of Dave's head in the hallway, or the way his stomach twisted when Kurt turned away and headed in the other direction. He and Dave had stopped avoiding each other after the third week of school. An unspoken agreement that it wasn't necessary after all these months. Today, though... today, Kurt was actively avoiding him.

He hadn't needed to before. Not for a long time. But now he was rehashing all of these old feelings, opening old wounds and he felt like he'd stepped back in time. Back to May, when the wound was fresh and everything just felt wrong. When being in the same school with Dave and not having him felt like the world was ending.

_I used to think one day  
__We'd tell the story of us_

Kurt inwardly groaned as his inner Taylor Swift brought his attention to the song he'd listened to this morning. He had just wanted something to sing to, something to keep his attention while he was going through his routine. His mistake. He'd chosen the wrong song, and dammit, he could just hear his inner Santana cackling.

_And people would say they're the lucky ones_

Kurt rolled his eyes. _Not if you know the story_, he argued. No one would say that they were lucky if they knew how Dave had terrorized Kurt, how Kurt's father tried to make him switch schools, or how Kurt had even known Dave was gay. If they listened to Kurt and Dave's story, they would probably ask them what the fuck was wrong with them. Theirs was not really a love story that people would "awww" over. It was dark and complicated and would take forever to explain properly.

Kurt made his way into the cafeteria, trying not to look over at the table where Dave would be sitting with his football buddies. That story was another long one that would take forever to explain, but the short version was that the football team was full of assholes, Finn and Puck stood up for Dave, Azimio was kicked off the team, and the football team learned to accept that Dave was gay.

_I used to know my place was the spot next to you  
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat_

_Shut up!_ Kurt practically screamed in his head, but it was too late. The damage was done as he was taken back to last year. When they had first started seeing each other, it was in secret for such a long time. He still wasn't really even sure _when_ they actually started seeing each other. It just slowly went from friends to... more. They never actually used the term 'boyfriends' until Dave was outed back in February. But before Dave was outed, they basically pretended that the other didn't exist when they were at school.

After Dave was out, though, they would walk through the school holding hands. Dave would walk him to his classes. They would sit together at lunch. For a long time, Dave sat with the Glee club because his own group had practically shunned him. Well, they beat the hell out of him and then shunned him. So Dave sat with the Glee club. Once things were righted with the football team, Dave and his friends slowly started to reconnect. So, by the end of the year, Kurt and Dave were alternating between sitting with the Glee club and sitting with the football team. Dave actually thought that the Glee club kids were kind of cool – the feeling was mutual – and Kurt actually got along alright with the football team after they all apologized for the stupid shit they'd done to him over the years. The guys on the football team had even stopped targeting people in the Glee club. The guys on the hockey team, though... that was a different story.

Kurt got a tray and sat down next to Mercedes, who was sitting with the Glee club today. She also alternated between sitting with her friends and sitting with Shane, her new boyfriend. He glanced over at Dave's table. Dammit, he had to stop doing that. This was so last year.

_Oh, a simple complication  
__Miscommunications lead to fall outs  
__So many things that I wish you knew  
__So many walls that I can't break through_

He sighed to himself. He knew what it was. They'd never had any sort of closure. There wasn't even a real break-up. Not really. There was a big fight and then boom, Dave just wouldn't talk to him anymore. Ever again. So how could Dave sit there and laugh with his friends and be perfectly okay with everything? How could he be seeing someone else? How could _Kurt_ be seeing someone else?

_Now I'm sitting alone in a crowded room  
And we're not speaking  
And I'm dying to know is it killing you  
Like it's killing me, yeah  
I don't know what to say since the twist of fate  
When it all broke down  
Now the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now_

Kurt pushed the food around on his tray. Not that he ever really ate anyway, but today he just couldn't even stand the thought of shoveling this gruel into his mouth. His friends were all talking amongst themselves, but he just couldn't be bothered to try and listen. He was being so stupid for sulking, and he knew it, but he couldn't help it. This was supposed to be _helping. _Instead, it was making him feel like shit. He was somehow regressing into what he had been last May, when they'd first broken up. Okay, no. He hadn't gone that far. He was scared he might, though.

_How'd we end up this way?  
See me nervously pulling at my clothes  
Trying to look busy_

Kurt realized that he was absently tugging at the hem of his shirt and quickly laced his fingers together. Stupid Taylor Swift digging into his subconscious mind and making him do things. Fretting over clothing was normal for him, except today, he didn't care at all about his clothes. He was just trying to busy himself to keep from going insane.

_I'm starting to think one day  
I'll tell the story of us  
How I was losing my mind  
When I saw you here  
But you held your pride  
Like you should have held me_

Kurt hated this. Having this stupid relevant song playing through his head as he was living out the very scenario. He hated that all of this was bothering him so much. He hated that he had decided to do this stupid playlist all because of a song that had played at the worst time. He hated that he had gotten so sucked into this that he couldn't even quit if he tried.

_Oh, I'm scared to see the ending  
Why are we pretending that this is nothing?  
__I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how  
__I've never heard silence quite this loud_

Kurt couldn't take it anymore. He stood, excusing himself quickly as he backed away from the table. He turned and hurried to get his food into the garbage, setting the tray on the conveyer belt before stepping out of the cafeteria. He leaned against the wall next to the cafeteria doors, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath. He sank down, pulling his knees to his chest.

_This is looking like a contest  
__Of who can act like they care less  
__But I liked it better when you were on my side_

Kurt thought about times in the past, when Dave would come running after him if he had left like that. When Dave would pick him up and hold him in his arms, squeezing him tightly and telling him that everything was going to be okay. Even if Dave's own life was going badly, he was always there to comfort Kurt. He said it helped him. He said it made him feel like he was doing something good for once. Kurt rested his head on his knees, trying his best to keep the tears from spilling over.

_The battle's in your hands now  
But I would lay my armor down  
If you would say you'd rather love than fight_

"Hey." Kurt looked up to see Finn staring down at him, eyes wide with concern. He had opened his mouth to ask what Kurt would only assume was "Are you okay?" but the moment he saw Kurt's eyes, he knew it was a stupid question. He tugged Kurt to his feet and pulled him into a tight hug. Kurt knew that Finn probably had no idea what was wrong with him, but he was so grateful that Finn cared enough to try to comfort him. He relaxed into Finn's hug. He needed this. He needed this from someone that wasn't going to tell him he was right or wrong. From someone who had been there through the whole thing, who knew it all, but wasn't going to judge him at all. Finn was the second best person for that, and the one person that was available right now.

Kurt opened his eyes as he heard the cafeteria door open up and saw Dave walk out. He looked surprised to see Kurt and Finn standing there, locked in a tight embrace. He stopped in mid-step, just staring at the pair. Kurt wondered what was going through his mind, and it looked for a moment like Dave was going to say something.

_So many things that you wish I knew  
But the story of us might be ending soon_

Dave just shook his head and turned away, not looking back.

_And I'm dying to know  
Is it killing you like it's killing me?_

Kurt hugged Finn tighter, closing his eyes again to shut out the tears. He didn't know what Dave thought anymore. He couldn't read his face. Dave had completely shut him out, and he wouldn't give him any indication that he cared at all for Kurt anymore. Not even in a friends kind of way. Kurt just wanted to know if Dave had been as hurt by the break up as he had, if Dave had been as impacted by Kurt's existence as Kurt had been by Dave's.

_The end_

Kurt hated Taylor. This was not the end. It couldn't be the end. He never wanted things to end this way. He never wanted things to end at all. He silently prayed that even if this was where any sort of romantic relationship between he and Dave died, they could have a friendship. Dave could at least give him that much, couldn't he? Santana's voice came through with words that he desperately hoped were true:

_Next chapter._


	5. Haunted

Kurt didn't touch the playlist for a few days. He had come too close to having a breakdown on Monday. He had known then that he had to step back from it for a little bit. Several times, he had considered quitting the whole thing, but he knew that he couldn't just quit. He had already started it, and he was so emotionally invested now that he just couldn't bring himself to stop.

He hadn't mentioned this to Blaine. He wasn't sure if he ever would. How exactly did you tell your current boyfriend that you were making a playlist to help you get over your ex? Especially considering Kurt should have already been over his ex before he had even gotten into a relationship with Blaine. So no, he didn't think he was going to tell Blaine about it. Besides, if he did that, he was basically _begging_ for an argument. He didn't want to argue with Blaine.

After his episode on Monday, he had to tell Finn something, though. Finn was worried about him, and so Kurt felt like he owed some kind of explanation. So he told him he'd just been thinking a lot about Dave lately. He didn't tell him about the playlist, but Finn apparently had some inkling about that because he had asked, "Is that why you've been listening to Taylor Swift non-stop?"

Kurt had started laughing then.

In the past year, Kurt and Finn had grown incredibly close. Last summer had been really important for their relationship, though. Kurt and Dave had "broken up" just before the end of their junior year in May, and that had left Kurt with the entire summer to sulk. He had fully planned on doing that, too, but after about a week of it, Finn had decided that it was _not_ happening. Finn had dragged Kurt out so much over the summer and forced him to do things that would take his mind off of Dave.

Of course, there were the nights when Kurt would break down. Those were the nights when they would curl up together on the couch downstairs and watch a movie while sharing a pint or two of ice cream. One pint if Kurt wasn't crying, two if he was. Kurt sometimes wondered if he'd learned all of this from dealing with Rachel or if it was just something he'd developed over time.

So he was relieved when Finn didn't say anything when he said he'd been thinking of Dave. Finn had just nodded, hugged him, and let him be. And later that night, Finn had come into his room with a pint of ice cream and _Chicago_ to make him feel better. He smiled to himself as he thought about how wonderful it was to have such a great brother.

He powered up his laptop, which he hadn't touched yet today. Or at any time in the past few days. He had known he'd be tempted to bring up the playlist, and he had been trying to avoid that. So he just hadn't touched his laptop and had been using the family computer instead. He shook his head as he realized that he was still working through Taylor Swift's songs. He didn't want this list to solely be Taylor Swift, but he still had a couple of songs he wanted to add, the next one being _Haunted_.

He remembered buying this album when it first came out. He had never really been able to relate to the break-up songs, so he had focused on a couple of the others, like _Sparks Fly_. He used to randomly sing bits of that to Dave when he was bored. Most usually when they were in the truck on their way somewhere. Dave pretended it annoyed him, but Kurt always knew that Dave secretly loved it. He loved any time Kurt would sing to him.

_You and I walk a fragile line  
__I have known it all this time  
__But I never thought I'd live to see it break_

There was Taylor with the worst timing, as usual. He wondered for a moment why it had taken so long for the song to start playing, but at this point, he just didn't care. The song was playing and now he was thinking about the depressing aspects of _not_ being with Dave. He had known that their relationship was unbalanced, that it could tip at any time, but he could honestly say that he'd _never_ thought there would be a day when they'd end for good. There had been that one time where they'd agreed that it was probably better for the both of them if they didn't see each other anymore, but that was in the beginning and they had quickly discovered that they just couldn't do it. He wondered what might have happened if they hadn't gotten back together. He imagined that things would be a lot different for the both of them. Dave probably wouldn't have been outed. Kurt wouldn't be feeling this way right now, would he? That break-up had been mutual. It had hurt, but it had still been mutual. The break-up in May had been completely one-sided, and he definitely did _not_ agree with it.

_It's getting dark and it's all too quiet  
__And I can't trust anything now  
__And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake_

Kurt thought back to the night they "broke up". The fight he didn't realize was the last. If he had known that was it, maybe he would have paid more attention. Maybe he would have... well, that was ridiculous. There was nothing he could do about it now, and it seemed pointless to dwell on "if only"s. All he could do was deal with here and now.

_Whoa, I'm holding my breath  
__Won't lose you again  
__Something's made your eyes go cold_

But what had it been? What made Dave do this? What made Dave completely cut Kurt out of his life like this?

_Come on, come on  
__Don't leave me like this  
__I thought I had you figured out  
__Something's gone terribly wrong  
__You're all I wanted_

Kurt thought he had made it so clear that he never wanted anything or anyone else but Dave. He sat back in his chair, rubbing his hands over his face. He'd only ever wanted Dave. He'd been Dave's from that moment in the locker room, when Dave admitted his feelings for Kurt. Of course, it had taken a while to actually come to terms with it, but yeah, his heart had been Dave's from that moment. He had to wonder if he'd ever really gotten it back after that.

_Come on, come on  
__Don't leave me like this  
__I thought I had you figured out  
__Can't breathe whenever you're gone  
__Can't turn back now  
__I'm haunted_

It was true. He had stepped so far into this that he couldn't turn back, and now he was all but haunted by the thought of Dave. Seeing him in the halls still sent a wave of emotions over him, and he often had to turn away and try to force himself to forget that Dave was there. He wondered why he hadn't had these problems when the school year started, if he was really that affected by it or if it was just because he was doing this. Had these feelings been there all this time? Had they just been dormant after a summer of doing everything he could to forget?

_Stood there and watched you walk away  
__From everything we had  
__But I still mean every word I said to you_

Kurt could never say what made Dave leave. Dave never told him or gave him any idea, so he had spent the summer over-analyzing, trying to figure it out. Maybe Dave had just finally gotten tired of Kurt. Kurt really didn't know, and he could analyze all he wanted, but he'd never really know until Dave told him. He didn't know if that would ever come. One thing he did know was that every thing he ever said he felt for Dave, he still meant it. Not even Dave shutting him out as cruelly as he did could make him hate Dave.

_He will try to take away my pain  
__And he just might make me smile  
__But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead_

He felt an ache as he felt the truth to these words. He felt so awful for it, but he couldn't deny it. He found it ridiculous that he had chosen Blaine because he was the opposite of Dave, but he often found himself wishing that Blaine was more like Dave. It was actually really fucking unfair of him, if he was going to be honest. He felt really awful for doing this to Blaine, and Blaine didn't even know what he was doing. It wasn't like he was cheating, but in a way, it almost felt worse than cheating. He was still clinging to some ridiculous hope that he might end up with his ex. Did that mean he was stringing Blaine along? He really did care for Blaine, but he hadn't opened himself up enough with Blaine that he love him.

He blamed Dave for that. He didn't blame Dave for a lot, which felt weird because when they were together, he had a harder time finding something he didn't blame Dave for. But this... this he could blame Dave for. Dave had just completely destroyed him in a way that he never thought Dave would. He was finding it hard to open up to anyone new in his life because he was so afraid of feeling all of that pain all over again.

_Oh, I'm holding my breath  
__Won't see you again  
__Something keeps me holding onto nothing_

After all of this time, he still doesn't know why he was hanging on. Dave had never given any sort of sign that he might still want Kurt, so Kurt wasn't really sure why he hung on to this hope that he and Dave could be together again someday.

_I just know you're not gone  
__You can't be gone_

There was just a part of him that told him that it wasn't over. That it wasn't finished. He told himself that the only way it would ever really be finished was if Dave just came out and said he didn't want Kurt. Dave might have never told Kurt that he wanted him, but he had never told him that he didn't want him, either. He'd never told him anything, and that was probably the point of it all. Dave hadn't said one way or another, had just shoved him out. Kurt still didn't understand it. He wasn't sure that he ever would.


	6. Last Kiss

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews so far! They really mean a lot. :)**

* * *

The next addition to the playlist came at a time that he wasn't even working on it. It was a week later, when he was digging through his closet looking for a certain shirt. The last time he'd sat down to work on the playlist, he'd been put into such an awful mood that he had actually sought Finn out for comfort. If he's the one seeking Finn out, then there's definitely a problem because Kurt _hates_ admitting that he's not okay. But Finn hadn't asked any questions, hadn't said anything. He just sat with Kurt, eating ice cream (two pints this time because Kurt had been reduced to tears) and watching _The Phantom of the Opera_.

So until now, he hadn't put much thought into it. He didn't even mean to think about it, really. He was digging through his closet when he stumbled across the box of Dave's things. He had completely forgotten about it. He'd tried to return the things to Dave, but Dave had just sent them back. Just like he did everything else.

Against his better judgment, he opened the box up. He couldn't even remember what was in it, but as soon as he opened it, it all came back to him. He sighed softly as he pulled out a large sweatshirt. He smiled to himself as brought it to his nose, inhaling Dave's scent. He wondered if Dave still used that cologne. He had never gotten close enough to tell.

_Now I'll go sit on the floor in your clothes_

Taylor again. He wouldn't fight her. Not now. Besides, Dave's sweatshirts had always been incredibly comfortable. He tugged it on over his clothes and carried the box back to his bed. He crawled into bed as he sifted through the box, pulling out a scrapbook. It had been months since he'd looked through it. He flipped it open, smiling as he looked at the pictures. There was Dave in that stupid cowboy hat. He only ever wore that because he knew Kurt thought it looked stupid. Stupid as it was, he missed it. Dave sticking his tongue out. Dave making faces. The blanket fort.

_I still remember the look on your face  
__Lit through the darkness at 1:58  
__Words that you whispered for just us to know_

He couldn't help but smile as he thought about the blanket fort. The first night Dave had ever stayed over. Kurt's dad wouldn't let them sleep in Kurt's room, but they had made the most of the living room. They watched Peter Pan, which led to them talking about things they did as children, which ultimately led to creating a blanket fort. It was probably the silliest thing that he had done in years, but it had been so much fun.

He closed his eyes, leaning back against the headboard. Everything was so vivid. He could hear David's laugh. His own giggle. Laying cuddled up against David, tracing circles on his chest. He could feel David's fingers trailing over his jaw, lifting his chin so he could plant his lips on Kurt's forehead. Kurt's soft sigh followed by David's low voice, telling Kurt that he loved him more than anything in the world and there was no place he'd rather be.

_The beat of your heart  
__It jumps through your shirt  
__I can still feel your arms_

His dad had found them like that the next morning, and Kurt was afraid he might be angry, considering Kurt was supposed to sleep in his room while Dave took the couch. But he didn't seem angry at all. He was actually smiling, which had scared Kurt in a way because that definitely wasn't the kind of reaction he'd expected from his strict father.

He flipped through the pictures, studying each one. They only ever caught the good moments, but he wasn't complaining. He could remember the bad moments enough without pictures.

_All that I know is I don't know  
__How to be something you miss_

He finally reached one of his favorite pictures, one of the last in the book. It wasn't necessarily his favorite picture because they looked good. Although, he couldn't deny that they looked _amazing_. But it was his favorite because that had been an amazing night.

It was their prom picture.

Kurt had been _ecstatic_ about being able to go to prom with his boyfriend. Prom was very nearly perfect, too. Except for the fact that they'd been voted prom king and queen. Kurt brushed his fingers over the picture, tracing the outline of their crowns. He'd been so hurt over it. So hurt that he had run out of the gym, crying. Dave had chased after him, of course. Dave had comforted him, and it had reminded Kurt of why he loved Dave so much. Kurt worked up the courage to go back in, and then they had danced together. Well, they had danced together again, anyway.

_I do remember the swing of your step  
__Life of the party, you're showing off again  
__I roll my eyes and then you pull me in_

He had been just as shocked as his friends by Dave's dancing skills. Of course, he was also pleased and impressed as Dave had pulled him close, one hand on Kurt's waist and the other holding Kurt's hand. He leaned in, his lips close to Kurt's ear as he sang, "I just want to dance with you all night. In this world, there's nothing I would rather do 'cause I'm happy just to dance with you."

Kurt remembered how his heart fluttered with those words, how he shivered at the feeling of Dave's breath on his ear. The sound of Dave's voice being the only thing he could hear beyond the blood rushing in his head, and god, he was so in love with this man. He closed his eyes as he sang back, "Before this dance is through, I think I'll love you, too. I'm so happy when you dance with me." Dave hadn't sung back in return, he'd just pulled Kurt closer – if that was even possible – and hummed softly into his ear.

_Never thought we'd have a last kiss  
__Never imagined we'd end like this_

"I haven't seen that hoodie in a while."

Kurt looked up to see his father standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame. He didn't know what to say, how to answer. He felt like a kid who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, and fuck, he was lucky it was his dad and not _Blaine_. He wouldn't have known how to explain it to Blaine. There was really nothing you _could_ say to make wearing something of your ex's okay. He could say that it was just because it was old and comfortable, but he wasn't sure anyone would buy that.

"Yeah, I found some old stuff." Kurt answered, holding up the scrapbook. Burt came in to sit next to his son, taking the book from his hands and flipping through it.

"I remember this." Burt said, pointing to a picture of Finn and Dave flexing their muscles in funny poses.

"Who could forget? That was the night of the infamous M&M war." Kurt laughed, and Burt groaned.

"I'd almost forgotten about it." Burt said, flipping through the scrapbook. He looked over at the box, then back at Kurt. "So what's the deal, kid?"

"Nothing," Kurt said. "I was going through my closet, looking for that sweater I was talking about earlier. The one I was going to wear to dinner tonight. I stumbled across this box and decided to open it up and look through it."

"I do pay attention, you know."

"Okay?"

"I see how much you miss him."

Kurt didn't know what to say to that. He couldn't lie about it at this point, because his dad _did_ pay attention, and he knew that. He just liked to pretend that his father was oblivious to his private life. Or rather, dating life. But then, he'd probably noticed that he'd been doing his comfort activities with Finn, and he was sure that Carole had probably said something about the way Kurt had been acting lately.

"Not much I can do about it," Kurt said, picking at the sleeve of the sweatshirt. "We still don't talk at all."

"Maybe it's still too painful for him?" Burt asked. Kurt looked at his father, studying his face. That was something that hadn't occurred to him. He'd never thought that maybe Dave didn't talk to him because he just couldn't. However, that didn't really help him out any because he still didn't know why Dave had stopped talking to him in the first place.

_And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day  
__And something reminds you, you wish you had stayed  
__You can plan for a change in the weather and time  
__But I never planned on you changing your mind_

"Maybe. Who knows?" Kurt sighed.

"Did something happen with Blaine?" Burt asked, and Kurt snapped his head up to look at his dad.

"What? No. He's fine." Kurt told him.

"Well, it's just.. you've been acting strange ever since the two of you went out a couple of weeks ago. I thought maybe it was school or the play or something along those lines, but pints of ice cream don't usually come out unless it's boy troubles."

Kurt bit his lip, looking away from his father. He knew him much too well. Sometimes he hated it, but other times, he was happy to have a father that understood him so well. He'd seen what Blaine's own dad was like, and he was proud to say that he probably had the best father in the whole damn world.

"When we got in the car, there was this song that started playing..." Kurt said quietly.

"And it reminded you of Dave." It wasn't a question.

"Mhm," Kurt murmured, nodding. "It just really stuck with me, and ever since then, I've been going through my music. Making a playlist of sorts."

"That seems kind of silly to me. But hey, music is your area, not mine."

"I thought that maybe if I made this playlist, I could get all of these feelings out of my system and focus on my relationship with Blaine." It sounded silly as he said it out loud.

"So... you're going to make things better with Blaine by fixating on your relationship with Dave...?" Burt asked. Kurt groaned and pulled the hood over his head. It sounded even dumber when his dad put it like that. "No," Burt said, yanking Kurt's hood down. "Our minds work differently. And I know you had no real closure. Maybe this will bring that somehow. Are you going to give this... playlist to him?"

"I hadn't planned on it. Do you think I should?"

"Maybe it'll help."

"He wouldn't talk to me even if I did."

"That's not the point."

"Yeah, you're right. Maybe it'll help."

"There we go," Burt smiled. "You're not the only one who misses him, you know. We'd love it if he came around sometime."

_Because I love your handshake. meeting my father_

"I thought you liked Blaine?"

"I didn't say we didn't like Blaine. We just kind of miss having Dave around." With that, Burt patted Kurt's leg and stood, heading towards the door. "Dinner in an hour, kid."

Kurt watched him leave, burrowing deeper into the sweatshirt as he looked down at the pictures. There were _so_ many memories, and now he felt really stupid about this playlist and going through all of these things, but he knew that he couldn't stop now.

He grabbed his laptop and woke it from it's sleep state. He was going to check facebook before he left for dinner. He didn't really know why, but he was going to anyway. He saw Finn's most recent status update, talking about Rachel not being able to join them for dinner tonight. He was secretly glad, because as much as he loved Rachel, he just wanted the time alone with his family. Their parents were pretty relaxed about letting Finn's girlfriends and Kurt's boyfriends tag along for dinners, but Rachel apparently had her own thing with her dads tonight. Kurt smiled. He liked Rachel's dads.

He found himself clicking on Dave's name.

_I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep  
And I'll feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe_

It had become habit over the past couple of weeks to check Dave's facebook page, and he wasn't really sure why he did it. It only made everything that much harder. He most usually just browsed through photos, because Dave didn't really update very often. Dave wasn't a very open man, and he definitely wasn't the kind to share his private life with the morons at school.

His breath caught as he saw the latest update, and he didn't know how to react. Was it... he rubbed his eyes. No, it was still there. He wasn't imagining it. A little heart followed by the words "Dave Karofsky is single."

He began to panic.

It wasn't even a second later that Santana's name popped up in his chat. Apparently, it wasn't enough that she was that little demon in his head talking about how much he missed Dave. She needed to bug him about it on facebook, too.

_Santana Lopez says: Hey ladylips :)  
Kurt Hummel says: Hi Santana.  
Santana Lopez says: So have you seen it yet?  
Kurt Hummel: Seen what?  
Santana Lopez: Don't play dumb with me, sugar. I see right through you. Check Dave's page.  
Kurt Hummel: Yeah, and?  
Santana Lopez: Oh, honey, any moron can see how you've been pining after him these last couple of weeks. Maybe he's been pining after you too, if he's tossed prep boy.  
Kurt Hummel: You know very well that I'm with Blaine.  
Santana Lopez: And that means jack shit when you're moping about because you miss your ex.  
Kurt Hummel: Do you enjoy this?  
Santana Lopez: You know I do.  
Kurt Hummel: What do you get out of this anyway?  
Santana Lopez: Besides your discomfort?  
__Kurt Hummel: Yeah.  
__Santana Lopez: Nothing. Meddling's just my game.  
__Kurt Hummel: Yeah, yeah. I gotta go.  
__Santana Lopez: Bye bye my little gay! Don't think about Davey too much now. ;)  
__Kurt Hummel: I hate you.  
__Santana Lopez: Love you too, sugar._

Kurt rolled his eyes and logged out of facebook. He had no idea how he should feel about this. He wondered if Dave was upset. Maybe he needed someone. Kurt huffed. He very much doubted Dave would ever let him be that someone. Besides, he really shouldn't care. There was nothing he could do. He had Blaine. He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. He stood and pulled off the sweatshirt. He wasn't wearing this out. What if he ran into Dave or Blaine?

He brushed his fingers through his hair as he glanced in the mirror. He couldn't let Dave's break-up distract him from what he'd been doing the last couple of weeks. He would finish this playlist, he'd send it to Dave, and that would be it. He would be over Dave and then he could be completely happy with Blaine.

He hoped.


	7. The Harold Song & Save Me

**A/N: Chapter seven here. This is actually one of my favorite chapters. Also, the next chapter is from Dave's POV. Just a heads up. :)**

* * *

There were days that he thought Mr. Schue's assignments were great. And then there were the days that he hated Mr. Schue for making him do this. This week's assignment had been to find a song that reflected how you've been feeling lately. He had no idea what made Mr. Schue choose to do that assignment, but he had to wonder if he was that fucking transparent that even his _teacher_ could see through him.

He wasn't surprised when Santana cornered him later. Throughout that entire lesson, she'd been sneaking glances his way. Much to his surprise, her smirk was mysteriously missing, and instead, she actually looked rather concerned. He didn't know what this meant, nor did he stick around to find out. He knew she'd find him eventually, but he hadn't really expected it to be while he was trying to take a piss.

"So do you know what you're going to sing?" she asked, and he could tell she was just right outside the stall. He imagined that she was probably leaning up against the door of the next stall, picking at her nails.

"I don't fucking know. Why do you pop up at the worst times?" He asked her, rolling his eyes.

"Because it's fun catching people unawares. Did I make you piss all over yourself?" She asked, hopeful.

"Not a chance."

"Damn."

"What are you going to sing?" Kurt asked.

"Don't know. Thought maybe we could sing together."

Kurt blinked in confusion. He tugged at his zipper and flushed the toilet, letting himself out of the stall. He gave her a weird look as he passed her and went to the sink. She was watching him in the mirror, and that made him feel self-conscious. He dried his hands and then leaned against the sink, folding his arms as he stared at her.

"Did you have any particular song in mind?" He asked her. He was still majorly confused, as Santana had never made any kind of indication that she'd ever want to sing with him. He could say that they were friends, that she could read him well, but the whole singing bit was strange to him.

"You choose. I'm doing this for _you_." Santana told him, her voice soft and without venom. If he was going to be honest, Santana being nice was really fucking scary. The fact that he didn't know how to deal with nice Santana made it so much scarier. He was in uncharted territory here.

"I'm guessing you want it to be something to do with Dave." Kurt sighed, looking at her warily.

"That's the assignment, isn't it?" Santana answered.

"You are impossible, you know that?" Kurt said, quirking an eyebrow at her.

"Only the _most_ impossible." Santana purred. She dropped her smirk, the concern showing through again, and fuck, that scared Kurt. "It doesn't have to be. We can do something else. I just thought it might help. I've been in your position before, you know."

"Oh please. Puck-" Kurt stopped short, thinking back to prom. Santana hadn't been focused on Puck and Lauren at all, and he figured the only reason he hadn't noticed before was because of how wrapped up he'd been in everything else that had happened at prom. Santana had gone stag, he remembered. At the time, he thought maybe it was just because she didn't have Puck, but hell, Santana could easily get anyone she wanted. Unless that someone was already taken. But if it wasn't Puck... "Santana?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you... how come you never said anything?" Kurt asked, crossing the room to a teary-eyed Santana. He had the fleeting notion that maybe he was the first person that she had told, but he wasn't so sure about that. He wrapped his arms around her and she buried her face in his neck.

"How come you couldn't tell?" Santana asked with a shaky laugh.

"Because I'm an idiot, apparently." Kurt said with a grin. Certain things made a lot more sense to him now, he realized. "She's not seeing him anymore, though."

Santana pulled back away from him, quickly wiping her eyes and nodding as she said, "We're dating. But it's in secret."

"Ah," Kurt said, understanding dawning on him. She wasn't just trying to help him. In her own weird sort of way, she was asking for his help, too. He couldn't say that he knew exactly what it was like to be in her position. His understanding was probably closer to Brittany's, because he was sure she wouldn't care so much about people finding out that they were dating. No, Santana's problem was closer to Dave's. "It's not easy, is it?"

"No. I mean... I want to... I just don't know how. And I don't want people to look at me the way that they used to look at you or Dave. And what about Britt? What if she gets hurt because of it?" Santana asked. For the first time in their lives, Kurt was seeing Santana without her walls. He was seeing why she had those walls there in the first place. He was seeing the _real_ Santana and not the bitchy, cold, uncaring Santana. Kurt took her hands in his own.

"I'm not going to tell you that coming out is all rainbows and butterflies, because it definitely isn't. It's really hard and it can be so, so painful. But the one thing to focus on when coming out is the people that love and care about you. The ones that are going to be there for you no matter what you are. Britt. Me. The Glee club. Realizing that you have that core group makes it easier to take shit from the people who don't understand. This group helps remind you that there's nothing wrong with you."

Santana stared up at him, her eyes searching his. She swallowed and nodded, looking away from him. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and he couldn't help but be so proud for her in this moment. Coming out was such a hard thing to do, and it made him feel so good that she had trusted him enough to come out to him.

"You're right. Okay, I'll tell you what," She said, that smirk returning to her lips. "I'll come out to the Glee club _if_ you choose a song about Dave this week."

He opened his mouth to say something, because this really didn't seem like a fair deal at all. Her challenge was so much harder than his own. She shook her head, covering his mouth with her hand to cut him off before he even started.

"_And_ you have to stand up there with me when I come out." Kurt could do that. He'd do anything he could to support her. He nodded, and she removed her hand from his mouth.

"I'll even hold your hand," He grinned, and she rolled her eyes.

"Like I'd let you."

"Never know," He half-heartedly joked.

"Alright, enough with the sentimental bullshit. I've gotta go be extra mean to Finn now to make up for all of this." Santana said as she checked her make-up in the mirror before heading back towards the door.

"Don't be too hard. I'll have to hear all about it later."

"I think you can handle Finn whining for a couple of hours. Especially considering he's been trying to cheer up a sulky Kurt for the last couple of weeks." She said with a grin.

"How do you...?" Kurt asked.

"Rachel told Britt. Britt told me," Santana said, shrugging as she opened up the bathroom door. "Oh, and make sure it's something Britt can easily make up dance moves to. She'll be with us."

"Got it." Kurt said as she gave him a small wave and left. He stood there for a few moments before finally asking himself, "What the hell just happened?"

* * *

Kurt was going through music later that night, trying to figure out what song he should sing. He'd found one that he felt was kind of perfect, but he didn't really know if he wanted to sing it. The song made everything so obvious, and he didn't want to deal with Mercedes' questions. He chewed on his lip as he thought about how Santana was _coming out_ and suddenly he felt ashamed. This was nothing compared to what Santana was doing. And who cared what the other Glee clubbers thought? It wasn't like Dave or Blaine was going to hear this, and those were the only two people he really had to worry about with this assignment.

He decided on the song. If he was going to do it, he was going to go all the way, and it was something he felt that Brittany could probably dance to. His mouse hovered over another song, _Save Me_. He thought that the lyrics were perfect for Santana's situation, and he wondered if he could somehow mesh the two songs together. He knew that they probably wouldn't, but he spent a couple of hours trying anyway. He finally gave up and said fuck it.

He called up Santana, though.

"What if we did two songs?" He asked her as soon as she answered.

"Why?" She asked.

"I thought... song makes it easier to say certain things, right?" He asked, trying to push her in the right direction.

"Well, yes, but what else... _oh_. What song?"

"Save Me. Automatic Loveletter."

"Never heard of it."

"What? Youtube it. Now."

"Okay, okay." He heard her get up, go into another room. He heard the click of the keys as she brought up youtube and then the song itself. He sat back, rubbing a hand over his face as he listened to the song on the other end of the phone. She might not like the song. She might not like the lyrics. She might not want to sing her feelings out. It didn't matter. He was just trying to help. This was just a suggestion, and he wasn't going to be put out if she shot it down. The song ended and she was silent.

"What do you think?" He asked her.

"You have to stay up there with me when I sing it."

"I had planned on it. Not going to let you do all this alone."

"Thanks, Kurt."

"You're welcome."

"So do you know what you're going to sing?" She asked him, turning the tables on him.

"Of course I do."

* * *

Kurt was actually _nervous_, which was different. He didn't know if he was nervous because he was basically announcing to his friends that he really missed Dave and he didn't want them to judge him or if he was nervous because Santana was coming out to all of their friends and she would kill him if things went bad. Well, he wasn't worried about dying. He was mostly just worried that things could go wrong. He didn't really think that they would, but you could never tell.

He was singing first. Well, he was singing with Santana and Brittany first. Then Santana would be singing her own song. It kind of defeated the purpose of them working together on his song, but he wasn't going to say anything. He could tell that she was just as nervous, if not more. This was... nerve-wracking for the both of them. He reached out, taking her hand and giving it a light squeeze. They were behind a curtain, so no one other than Britt could see them. She gave him a weak smile. He let go of her hand and walked out onto the stage.

Had he not been so nervous, he might have noticed Dave standing in the back. However, he did not notice Dave. Not even when Dave moved forward, taking a seat in the back of the auditorium. He also didn't notice Santana peeking out from behind the curtain to wave at Dave or Dave waving back at her. He was just simply lost in his nervousness.

He stood front and center as the music started, and he could see the recognition in his friends faces as they recognized the music. Their nods as they definitely placed the song once he started singing. It didn't make him any less nervous. Especially when he saw Mercedes frown.

_I miss your soft lips, I miss your white sheets  
__I miss the scratch of your unshaved face on my cheeks_

Dave blushed, not that Kurt would notice.

_And this is so hard 'cause I didn't see  
__That you were the love of my life and it kills me_

Santana went back and forth, watching Kurt and watching Dave.

_I see your face in strangers on the street  
__I still say your name when I'm talking in my sleep_

Kurt looked at Finn for that line, and the two of them shared a little knowing smile. Kurt hadn't ever known that he talked in his sleep until Dave had started sleeping over. He still didn't believe it, even after they'd broken up. Or when Finn had said something about it one night when they'd fallen asleep on the couch. It wasn't until Finn had actually _recorded_ Kurt saying Dave's name that Kurt actually believed it.

_And in the limelight, I'll play it off fine  
__But I can't handle it when I turn off my nightlight__But I can't handle it when I turn off my nightlight_

Santana and Brittany appeared from the shadows for the chorus, their movements fluid and somehow melancholy. Kurt moved forward, moving in time with them as the three of them sang. The Glee kids seem rather surprised by this, looking at each other with confused expressions. Kurt, Santana, and Brittany didn't seem like the most likely group to sing together.

_They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me  
__Young love murdered, that is what this must be  
__I would give it all to not be sleeping alone, alone  
__The life is fading from me as you watch my heart bleed  
__Young love murdered, that is what this must be  
__I would give it all to not be sleeping alone, alone_

Kurt moved forward again, the two girls taking a couple of steps back so that they were in the shadows as Kurt delivered the next lines:

_It was my past life, a beautiful time  
__Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise_

They had decided to cut out the second verse because one,it didn't really fit Dave and Kurt, and two, they wanted to shorten the song anyway. The two girls stepped forward again as they sang the chorus a second time, ending the song. As the music ended, applause came from everyone but Mercedes and Dave. Kurt still hadn't noticed Dave in the back, but it didn't matter because he and Brittany rushed back behind the curtains to grab a couple of stools. Brittany brought one out for Santana, and she sat down, giving her a quiet thank you. Puck came out from behind the curtains with a stool in one hand and a guitar in the other. Again, the Glee clubbers seemed confused, but Kurt's mind was not on them. It was on Santana, who held a microphone in one hand and Kurt's hand in the other. She had it in a death grip, and that was the only indication that she was nervous at all. Kurt didn't say anything, just sat there.

_I don't know how to get through this  
__I don't know what I keep doing_

_I've been running away, but I'm tired of being on the run_

Santana's voice was a little weak at first, but raw with emotion. Kurt knew what this was like, knew that it would get stronger as she got more courageous. These were probably some of the most honest words Santana had ever said, he was sure.

_I see my face in your tombstone  
__Looking through the eyes of my body's clone  
__Shove back through my tears that turn into fears  
__Running straight into my bones_

Kurt wondered for a moment if Santana had ever cried. He was sure that she had, but he didn't think he'd ever seen it. Well, no. There was Rachel's party, but he didn't count that. She'd been drunk.

_Oh I've got a secret  
__I've got a secret to tell  
__Nobody knows me  
__Nobody knows me at all  
__I've got a secret_

Santana gripped his hand tighter, but her voice was getting so much stronger. He knew that she'd push through this. He looked out to the Glee clubbers. Their surprise was probably mostly in the fact that she was holding hands with someone that wasn't Brittany, but that would change, he was sure. Santana's eyes flitted out to Dave, who just nodded his head in encouragement.

_I don't know what I'm doing  
__But it's got me living in my own hell_

Kurt and Dave both nodded, understanding the lines all too well. The meaning behind them. They'd both been trapped there once, too.

_I'm lying through my teeth  
I'm drunk as a leech  
__Confessing my sins to an angel_

Santana grinned over at Kurt for this line, and he stared back in confusion. She gave his hand a squeeze, and fuck, was she calling _him_ an angel? He shook his head, rolling his eyes. It was in a joking manner, he decided. She looked out to Dave, who only grinned back in answer. They were on the same page.

_I'm begging forgiveness 'cause at the end of the world  
__I wanna say that I lived  
__And I don't wanna give my soul to the goddamn devil_

Kurt had to smile at this. Oh, the irony.

_Save me, save me  
__I think I'm breaking  
__Am I going crazy?  
__Can anyone help  
__I must be out of my mind  
__'Cause I'm not alright  
__No I'm not okay  
__And I'll never see the light  
__Can somebody save me?_

Kurt looked out to Brittany, and she smiled back at him. Brittany was always going to be the one to save Santana, wasn't she? His heart leapt in his chest, so proud of the both of them.

_This isn't all that I am  
__With my head in my hands  
__I know deeply, truly  
__Singing na na na  
__Singing na na na  
__Somebody, somebody  
__Save me, save me  
__I think I'm crazy_

Kurt listened as she went through the chorus again, watched as a tear rolled down her cheek. The other Glee clubbers stood and clapped for Santana when she finished, though Kurt wasn't really sure they knew just what she was getting at yet. He wiped away her tear, and she looked at him, her eyes wet and so full of courage.

She turned to the audience, putting her hands together and looking directly at Brittany, who gave her an encouraging smile. Kurt put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. She smiled and said to everyone, "I've known for sure for a while now, but it wasn't until recently," she glanced sideways at Kurt, "that I really had the courage to say it out loud. Santana Lopez is a lesbian, and she's in love with Brittany S. Pierce."

The Glee club didn't waste time invading the stage to envelope Santana in a big group hug. Puck, being the first to wrap both Kurt and Santana in a bear hug from behind. All were laughing and Santana was sniffling a bit as all of them hugged. No one really noticed the slight smile on Dave's face, but Santana did see as he turned and walked out of the auditorium. They stood up on the stage for at least ten more minutes as everyone told Santana that they were proud of her and that they cared about her no matter what. Such an odd family they made, but they wouldn't have it any other way. Santana grinned at Kurt, leaning into his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her waist, giving her a soft kiss on her forehead.

* * *

"Kurt Hummel." Mercedes all but growled at Kurt when they were alone at his locker.

"Don't start, okay?" He said turning to face her.

"I just... what about _Blaine_?" She asked him and he cringed.

"I know, I know. And eventually, I'm going to be over Dave, okay? Just... right now.. these past couple of weeks... he's been in my head. Okay? I'm working on it."

"But you and Blaine aren't broken up?" Mercedes asked.

"No, we're not. We're still together and we even have a date this weekend. And it's not like I'm cheating on him or something. You know that Dave hasn't given me the time of day since."

"Which is exactly why you shouldn't be giving it to _him_." Mercedes answered.

"I know." Kurt sighed, shutting his locker and turning to lean back against it. "It's just kind of hard. And you don't really have room to talk, to be honest."

"What?"

"I see the way you keep looking at Sam. Don't act like you don't miss him."

"But I love Shane."

"Exactly. I don't exactly _love_ Blaine, but it's the same situation, and you can't turn into hypocrite here."

"Fine," Mercedes glared at Kurt. "But don't screw things up with Blaine."

"I won't."


	8. Retrace

_Oh how I've tried to get you out of my head  
__And I lied with broken words I said_

Dave wasn't sure what to think. He hadn't known what to think when Santana had talked him into coming to the auditorium today, either. He had been under the impression that it was solely for her whole coming out presentation, but he definitely hadn't thought he'd be hearing Kurt sing. Yeah, sure, he'd known that Kurt would be there. He'd known he'd probably see him, which was why he'd stuck to the back of the auditorium. He _didn't_ know that Kurt would be singing, and he couldn't wrap his head around it.

Fucking Santana. She knew what Kurt's voice did to him. It made him want the boy even more now. He could tell by Kurt's face and the sound of his voice that there was pure truth behind those words. He just wished that he hadn't been forced to listen to Kurt sing about Blaine. As far as he knew, they were still together. At least, that was what the stupid little relationship status on Kurt's facebook page said. The song indicated otherwise, though.

_Never thought I'd walk on this street again  
__Standing where it all began_

He sighed as he found himself in the locker room, standing in front of his locker. Why was this stupid song stuck in his head and why was it bothering him _now_? He hadn't listened to that CD in months. He sat down on the bench in front of the lockers, putting his head in his hands.

_Tried to forget when I left this town  
__Takes me right back when I come back around  
_

_Forget Kurt. Forget Kurt. Forget Kurt._

_Retrace the steps we took on that lost summer night I'm back by your side  
__Retrace the steps we took when we met  
__Worlds away counting backwards while the stars are falling_

He sighed and stood up. He was going to have to do something else. Sitting here wasn't going to help him stop thinking of Kurt. He fumbled with the combination on his locker, trying to get it open. He finally yanked it open as he got the lock and grabbed a shirt and a pair of shorts to change into. Working out usually helped him when he got like this.

_Oh how I find every subtle thing screams your name  
__It reminds of places and times we shared_

Being in the locker room didn't always help, he realized. He looked around, remembering the many things that had happened in this room with a one Mr. Kurt Hummel. This was where they'd first kissed. This was where Kurt had found out he was gay. This was where he first told Kurt he loved him. This was where they'd spent many lunch hours making out.

_Could not live locked in these memories  
__Now I'm chained to my thoughts again_

Had all of that training over the summer been for nothing? All of the work he'd done to try and forget Kurt? He tugged off his jeans, pulling on the shorts as he looked around. He changed shirts and then made his way over to the bench press.

_Tried to forget when I left this town  
__But I'll take you right back if you come back around_

No. No, he wouldn't. Stupid song. It wasn't like Kurt would even come back around, anyway. But no, he wouldn't take Kurt Hummel back. He didn't even need to think about it. The answer was no. The answer would always be no. No matter how much he loved or wanted Kurt, he would never take him back. Kurt deserved so much better, even if better happened to be that fucking hobbit. Kurt was going to go places someday. Dave was going to be stuck here. A Lima Loser for the rest of his life. There was no way Dave was going to let himself hold Kurt back.

Though, he didn't even think he _could. _If Kurt wanted to get out of Lima, he was going to get out. Santana had told him that Kurt had applied for some school called NYADA or some shit, and he'd been kind of worried that Kurt had given up on New York for a minute, but she told him that NYADA _was_ in New York and that both Kurt and Rachel had applied.

When he'd asked what happened to Julliard, she told him that it apparently didn't have whatever program the two had wanted. He'd seen Kurt in the school musical, and he had wondered then if Julliard would ever know what they were missing. Well, maybe someday. He genuinely hoped that Kurt got into this school, though.

Alright, that was enough. No more thinking of Kurt now. Something else. Anything else.

He could think about Sebastian.

He gave a little grunt and rolled his eyes. What was there to say about Sebastian? He didn't think that they'd honestly ever really cared for each other. Well, not in the beginning anyway. Even from the get-go, Dave had thought Sebastian was an asshole. Well, truthfully, Sebastian _had_ been an asshole. The first time they'd met, anyway. Something had changed, though, because Sebastian had talked to him the next weekend, apologizing for his dick move the last.

Still. Sebastian had known what he was coming into. Dave always found it a little funny that Sebastian was only with Dave because he couldn't have Blaine and Dave was only with Sebastian because he'd given up Kurt. Their relationship had been pointless, really. It only existed because of a mutual desire. Sebastian had known that. So Dave still hadn't understood what had crawled up Sebastian's ass and caused him to get all bitchy about Dave not being over Kurt. Hence, their break-up.

_I need some shelter  
__I need some safety_

Sebastian hadn't been either of those things. Kurt – no. He wasn't going to let his mind go there. No. He couldn't think about Kurt. He'd been _fine_ until he'd heard Kurt sing. Stupid fucking pretty voice. Stupid Santana. He was going to get her back somehow. He didn't know how, but he would. She definitely deserved it. She had known what she was doing.

_Photographs they haunt me lately  
__Chasing shadows as the evening takes me  
__I'm still searching but the picture's fading_

He thought about the picture of him and Kurt that he kept taped to the back of his gym locker. He was taking that down as soon as he got the chance. He always kept it covered up, ever since the break up. He can't even say why he'd left it up there in the first place.

_No where else has ever felt like home  
__And I can't fall asleep  
__When I'm laying here alone_

Ugh. Why wouldn't this song just _stop_ already? He got the point. Yes, he missed Kurt. Yes, Kurt had been on his mind way too much lately. No, he wasn't going to fucking do anything about it.

_I replay your voice  
__It's like you're here_

He remembered – no, he wasn't going to remember shit. No.

_You move the earth  
__But now the sky is falling_

Santana was such a clever fucking bitch.


	9. Hush

_This is as quiet as it gets  
__Hush down now, go to sleep_

No.

No, he hadn't meant to play it.

_ Goddammit.  
__We were once perfect me and you  
__We'll never leave this room_

"Kurt?"

_H-h-h-hush  
__You color my eyes red_

"C'mere." Finn said, sitting down on the bed and holding his arms open. Kurt crawled into Finn's lap and cuddled against him, burying his face into Finn's neck. Under normal circumstances, this definitely would have been weird, but this was not normal, and Kurt was not okay. Shuffle had just randomly decided to start playing that stupid fucking song, and oh my god that was the _worst_ break up song in all the world. He just wanted to beat the shit out of his laptop, but what good would that do? He was already spiraling.

_Your love's not live, it's dead  
__This letter's written itself inside out again_

Kurt gave a loud sob, and Finn reached over, turning the computer off. He rubbed Kurt's back, hoping that the gesture was soothing. It seemed to work, because Kurt had quieted down a little. He was sniffling, and Finn reached over, grabbing a box of tissues for whenever Kurt was ready to stop snotting all over his shirt. He had to thank Rachel for preparing him for this kind of shit. He'd never expected it with his _brother_, but whatever. They were brothers. They could do this kind of shit and it was okay, right? Probably far from normal, but it was okay.

_When rivers turn to roads  
__And lovers become trends_

Kurt pulled back from Finn and took a couple of tissues, blowing his nose. He owed Finn so fucking much for just being a nice big brother and never complaining about it. Well, not to his face, at least. He didn't know if he whined to Rachel about this kind of thing, but if he did, Rachel never mentioned it. And he knew Finn told Rachel about this because Rachel had told Britt and that was how Santana had found out.

_H-h-h-hush  
__This is where it ends_

He squeezed his eyes shut. It really was over, wasn't it? He should have accepted that so long ago, when Dave had shut him out. He should have just accepted it and moved on, instead of dragging everyone – mostly Finn – down this awful memory trip with him. Some of it had been sweet, but most of it had been painful, and god, he hoped that someday, he could look back on all of it and only see the good and be grateful for everything that he felt instead of it making him feel like complete and utter shit. He just wanted to be happy again, and maybe that was asking for too much, but he really didn't think that it was. He felt so ungrateful for reflecting and dwelling and pining over his relationship with Dave when he had this sweet, kind, wonderful boyfriend who was just so patient with him.

_This is the calming before the storm_

"Dave, please call me back. I'm so sorry for everything that I said. I didn't mean any of it. I swear I didn't. I was just upset and I was saying stupid, mean, hurtful things and I'm so sorry. Please call me back."

_This absolution is always incomplete_

"Look, I understand you're mad. But ignoring me is _not_ going to get us anywhere, Dave. You can't just not talk to me anymore. Come on. Pick up the phone."

_It's always bittersweet_

"Do you think I should have tried harder?" Kurt asked, snapping back to the present. He was surprised he could remember any of the voicemails he'd left Dave. After all, he'd estimated that he'd left at least fifty. He wondered if Dave had ever listened to a single one of those.

"I think Dave had made up his mind, Kurt." Finn answered honestly, and Kurt nodded. Finn was right, of course. Kurt wondered for a moment if Finn and Dave had ever talked after they'd broken up, but that was a stupid question. Of course they had. But Finn didn't know why Dave had broken up with him. Kurt had asked him forever ago. Kurt would know if he'd been lying. Finn was a terrible liar.

"It's really time to let go, isn't it?" Kurt asked, looking at Finn.

"I think it is."

Kurt sighed and rested his head on Finn's shoulder.

_I won't make a sound so you don't wake_

Kurt woke in his bed. He didn't even remember falling asleep. He'd been... what had he been doing? Oh right. He had commandeered Finn's shoulder and literally cried on it. No, wait. That was wrong. Finn had _offered_ his shoulder for Kurt to cry on. Kurt rubbed at his eyes and slid out of bed. He was still dressed in what he'd been wearing, which was rather uncomfortable at the moment. He looked over at his clock and was surprised to find that it was two in the morning. Jesus. How had he managed to sleep so long?

The crying had taken a lot from him, he'd decided as he slipped quietly out of his room and headed downstairs. He'd missed dinner, and he was sure that Finn had told their parents why. He wasn't looking forward to that conversation with either his dad or Carole. Crying wasn't something he really did all that often, but it was becoming more and more frequent. He was sure that his dad was going to intervene with his little mission at some point, because it was just taking so much from Kurt. Enough that his grades were slipping a bit, which definitely wasn't good.

He got into the fridge, finding the plate that Carole had left for him. He smiled and tugged it out, making a mental note to thank her in the morning. He poured himself a glass of milk, and nearly jumped a mile out of his skin when he noticed his father sitting at the table. He _had_ managed to spill the milk, though, much to his dismay. He grabbed a towel from a nearby drawer and began to clean it up, glaring at his father.

"You could have said something."

"Nah. It was more fun to wait and see your reaction." His dad said, moving towards the counter.

"Were you waiting for me or something?" Kurt asked, tossing the towel on the counter.

"No," Burt said, and Kurt could practically see him rolling his eyes. "I couldn't sleep, so I came down for a glass of water."

"I see." Kurt said, putting his plate into the microwave. He leaned back against the counter and ran his fingers through his hair. He noticed his dad was still looking at him, so he said, "What?"

"How's your playlist coming along?" Burt asked, taking a drink of his water.

"It's fine. I think I just have one more song to add, and then I'll be finished." Kurt said, nodding. He wasn't lying, actually. There were probably a million more songs he could add, but he had just one more that was going on the list and then he was sending it off.

"And then all this is over?" Burt asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I hope so. I want it to be," Kurt said, tired. Burt reached over and ruffled Kurt's hair.

"Me too. Hate seeing you like this."

"I hate being like this more than you hate seeing it." Kurt chuckled and pulled his plate out of the microwave.

"Alright kid, it's back to bed for me. Eat your dinner and then get back to bed."

"I will. Night Dad."

"Night Kurt."

_This is where it ends._


	10. The Lover After Me

"Hey there, Stud."

Dave rolled his eyes as he turned to see Santana standing behind him. If only she was a guy. He'd punch her face in for the hell she's put him through this past week. He _hasn't_ been able to get Kurt out of his head. So he'd pretty much decided that Kurt was a permanent fixture he'd need to work around in order to be happy.

"Hey yourself."

"Ooh, is Davey pissed at yours truly?" Santana ventured.

"Damn right."

"Why this time, hot stuff?"

"You know why." Dave said, glaring at her. Then again, this _was_ Santana, so she had probably forgotten already since she'd moved on to her next bad deed. What that was, he had no idea. He didn't keep tabs on her. He had no reason to.

"Yes, I knew he was singing. But what's the big deal? You love his voice."

"I don't love it when he sings about missing some guy."

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me right now." Santana said, staring at him in disbelief. Dave felt like he'd missed something because he wasn't following. That was how it always felt with Santana, though, because she always knew something that everyone else didn't.

"What?" He asked, irritated.

"_Some guy_? I just.. you can't be that dense."

"Some guy. Yes. Blaine." Dave said, rolling his eyes. He turned away from her, but she grabbed the back of his letterman and tugged him back so that she could talk into his ear and make _sure_ that he heard what she said.

"You're not going _anywhere_ until we get something straight, 'cause Auntie Tana's only gonna say this once. Kurt was singing about _you_."

Dave wrenched himself away from her gasp, glaring at her as he clenched his teeth. She stared just as hard back at him. This wasn't uncommon with these two, as they were always getting into some kind of argument about something. Santana was always crossing some kind of line with him, but she didn't care because she always said what he needed to hear, whether he liked it or not.

"How do you know?" He finally asked.

"Because we're _friends_ and he talks to me."

"Friends?" Dave laughed. "Since when does Tana have friends?"

Santana rolled her eyes and smacked him playfully. He was kind of right in a way, because she didn't really ever let herself get close to anyone. She really only had three people that she could really consider good friends, and one of them was standing right in front of her. She sighed and said, "Kurt gets me, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Dave said, nodding. He'd felt the exact same way all that time ago, when he'd come out to Kurt.

"Anyway. I _know_ it was about you because I told him to pick one about you."

"So he was just doing what you told him?"

"Oh, you're so frustrating," Santana huffed.

"Doesn't _that_ sound familiar?" Dave grinned.

"Shut up. Fact is, he misses you."

"And what am I gonna do with that?" Dave asked.

"Uh, I don't know, talk to him maybe?" Santana said, being a smartass.

"I'm not getting back with him."

"But he _wants_ you, David."

"I don't care. He's better off without me."

"Says who?"

"Me."

"Ugh. Goddammit. No _wonder_ you guys fought all the time. You're so damn frustrating and stubborn and _you don't always know what's good for him_, you know." Santana huffed, folding her arms across her chest.

"Maybe. Maybe not. But he's not going to get very far being with me, is he?" Dave answered. Santana just continued to glare at him, tapping her foot. She was so pissed at him, and he knew it, but he wasn't going to fucking budge, no matter what she did. He didn't even know _why_ she was doing this. He used to think she just brought up Kurt to torture him. Maybe she was. Maybe she was trying to give him false hope so he'd walk into the lion's den only to be shot down.

She had just stormed off after that, obviously done with arguing with him. She _had_ sent him a number of texts telling him that he was a dumbass and a whole lot of Spanish, which he could only assume was cursing. She _loved_ biting his head off in Spanish because he didn't know a word of it. He still couldn't get her earlier words out of his head, though. Kurt had been singing about _him_.

_Here I go again  
I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today_

Yeah, he did. So he wasn't going to go there. But fuck, Santana had fucked that up, hadn't she? Dammit, why did she do this to him? He gave a frustrated sigh as he sat back on the couch and rubbed his hands over his face. He could tell that she really did want Kurt and Dave to get back together, but he didn't understand _why_. What did she have to gain from this? Santana never did anything without some kind of motivation. Fuck, he just didn't understand.

He decided he'd go out for a drive. He tugged on his coat and grabbed his keys. He wrote his father a quick note, saying he'd be gone for a little while. He didn't know if his dad was going to be home any time soon, so he added that he'd pick up something for dinner while he was out. He didn't feel like cooking, and he was sure his dad probably didn't either.

_It's been seven months and counting  
__You moved on, but I still feel exactly the same_

He counted on his fingers, muttering the months out loud. Holy shit, it'd been six months, but fuck those lyrics had been close, hadn't they? That was both creepy and reassuring. He almost felt like it was some sort of sign. For what, he had no idea. He'd never really believed in all that bullshit about signs until he'd met Kurt. He didn't believe in a lot of things until he'd met Kurt.

_It's just that everywhere I go, all the buildings know your name  
__Like photographs and memories of love_

He sighed.

_Steel and granite reminders  
__The city calls your name and I can't move on_

He beat his hands against the steering wheel. Why the fuck couldn't he just move on? He was the one who had ended it, dammit. He felt like he was back in May all over again, driving around and trying his best to forget about Kurt, only to remember every fucking place they'd ever been. Every fucking thing they'd ever done. This was such fucking bullshit.

_Ever since you've been gone  
__The lights go out the same  
__The only difference is  
__You call another name  
__To your love  
__To your lover now_

He tried not to think about it. He tried not to think about Kurt and Blaine going to all of the places that he and Kurt had. He tried not to think about Kurt taking Blaine to their "spot" over at Faurot Park. Or eating over at King's Corner. Or Kurt building blanket forts with Blaine. Or Finn playing video games with Blaine. Or Burt and Carole inviting Blaine out with them on family outings. Or Kurt and Blaine sharing a bed. He'd go insane if he thought of those things.

_Am I all alone in the universe?  
__There's no love on these streets_

He'd never even loved Sebastian. He laughed at that. He'd _always_ known that he could never love Sebastian. He'd also known that Sebastian could never love him, either. Besides his own parents, Dave had only ever felt loved by Kurt and his family. And he loved them in return. He had tried to continue being friends with Finn way back when, but it had felt so awkward. Too awkward. And he couldn't shake the urge to ask about Kurt, so he figured it was best just to distance himself. Sometimes he saw Burt or Carole around, and they were always friendly. It made him feel so sick because he knew he'd put Kurt through so much bad shit, and they were still so nice to him. They were such fucking great people, and he'd put their son through hell so many times. They were his proof that good people really did exist in the world.

_So this is my new freedom  
It's funny, I don't remember being chained_

He hadn't done it for freedom. He'd done it to free _Kurt_.

_Nothing seems to make sense anymore  
Without you I'm always twenty-minutes late_

He snorted. No, it was because of _Kurt_ that he'd always been late. Or as Kurt had always liked to say, _fashionably _late. He rolled his eyes. The fucker was _always _making them late in the name of fashion. But he also couldn't deny that Kurt always looking really fucking good. Too good, sometimes, Dave thought as he remembered many nights spent making out in his truck. He glanced over at his passenger seat. Well fuck. Kurt was just fucking everywhere, wasn't he?

_And time goes by so slowly  
__The nights are cold and lonely  
__I shouldn't be holding on  
__But I've been holding on for you_

He didn't know. He just fucking didn't know why he was holding on. _He_ was the one who had ended things. _He_ was the one who kept saying that he was never going to take Kurt back. So why was he hanging on? There was no hope for them. There never had been. It had been so stupid to ever think that they could actually last. Even if they _did_ get together, Kurt was going to New York next year, and Dave wasn't going anywhere with his life. He would be dead weight for Kurt, and Kurt just _had _to know that, right?

_Here I go again  
__I promised myself that I wouldn't think of you today  
__But I'm standing at your doorway  
__I'm calling out your name 'cause I can't move on_

He looked around in disbelief, and holy fuck, he was sitting outside of Kurt's house. What the fuck was he doing? What had he been thinking? God, he'd been thinking about Kurt so much that he'd ended up outside his house and now he had no idea what to do. Luckily he wasn't sitting _right _outside the house. He was across the street, but still. What if Kurt saw him? He'd get the wrong idea. Wouldn't he?

Dave thought about getting out. Going up to the door. Knocking. Talking to Kurt. Telling him why he'd been such a dick back in the spring. He was sure that Kurt knew. Sure that Kurt had figured it out by now, right? Because Kurt definitely wasn't stupid. And if he knew anything about Kurt, it was that he would have completely over-analyzed the entire situation, picking it apart until there was literally nothing left of it.

He made a move to open his door, but then a car pulled up across the street, and Dave pulled his hand back as Blaine climbed out of his car. More like sprung, actually. The hobbit was practically skipping up to the door, and the smiles on Kurt and Blaine's faces were just too much. His stomach twisted as he saw Blaine walk Kurt to his car. He watched Blaine drive off.

_You call another name  
__To your love  
__To your lover now  
__To your love  
__The lover after me_

Dave started up the truck and headed for home, stopping at the pizza place to pick up dinner for him and his dad. Kurt was happy with Blaine.


	11. Goodbye

_**Goodbye, goodbye  
Goodbye my love**_

_Dear Dave,_

_ I didn't start this with the intent of sending it to you. I hadn't even really meant to start it. Blame Taylor Swift. I do._

_**I can't hide, can't hide  
Can't hide what's come**_

_ You know how I've always said that music was something therapeutic that could help anyone through anything? I still kind of b nelieve that. But I also believe that music has the power to destroy someone, too. If they let it._

_**I have to go, I have to go  
I have to go and leave you alone**_

_ I think I almost let it destroy me by doing this. I came close. I spent a lot of nights crying, because this music just brought back so much. So many memories, good and bad. Things that I'd spent the entire summer trying to forget. Things that I'm going to have to try to forget all over again because I reopened old wounds much too soon._

_**But always know, always know  
Always know that I love you so**_

_ It's not that I don't love you. So far from it, to be honest. I think I'm probably more in love with you than I ever have been. But I can't keep doing this. I can't cling to this hope that you're going to come back. That we'll be together again. Because I know it's not going to happen. I don't know if you're happy. I don't know if you've been in love since. I haven't. Not really. I couldn't fall in love because I couldn't let go of you._

_**I love you so  
I love you so**_

_ You can listen to this. Or you can just leave it. I'm not sending it to you for you. I'm doing it for me._

_**Goodbye, brown eyes  
Goodbye for now**_

_ I'm sending it because this is what I need to do in order to let go. This is the closure that I need to end all of this once and for all. I've spent too many nights in the past six/seven months crying over the fact that you weren't here. And I never even knew why you left. Maybe you just didn't love me anymore. I don't know. I don't think I'm ever going to know. I'm never going to understand._

_**Goodbye, sunshine  
Take care of yourself**_

_ I hope that wherever you go in life, whatever you do... you're happy. That's all I've ever really wanted for you. I hope that you find whatever you're looking for, and someday, I hope that you find someone that you love who loves you back. I hope that you spend your life together, maybe in some big city out in California. Or maybe in Chicago. Or hell, even in New York. But if you're in New York, you have to look me up sometime. We'll have drinks or something. When things are dead and buried and we can stand to look at each other. Maybe ten years down the road or so._

_**I have to go, I have to go  
I have to go and leave you alone**_

_ So this is goodbye._

_**But always know, always know  
Always know that I love you so**_

_ Maybe forever. But I hope not._

_**I love you so  
I love you so**_

_ You were such a big part of my life, and I feel like I've lost such a huge part of me since you've been gone. I hope that someday I can look back on our time in my life and be happy. Not feel like there's some huge missing piece. I hope that someday we can be friends and look back on this and maybe laugh. Well, I doubt we'll laugh. But I do hope we can form some kind of relationship. Bounce back from this._

_ I love you, Dave.  
Take care of yourself._

_ Love,_

_ Kurt_

_**Goodbye, brown eyes  
Goodbye, my love**_

Kurt exhaled deeply and read back over the email. His hands were shaking as he hovered over the send button. He hadn't tried to make any kind of contact since May. He wondered how Dave would feel about this, coming out of the blue. Not so long after a recent break-up. Oh god, he shouldn't send it. If Dave was all depressed over Sebastian, this would only make him feel worse, wouldn't it? No. No. He was doing this for himself. Dave probably wouldn't even read it. And if he did, he'd probably just roll his eyes over Kurt's stupidity.

He thought about sending it to Santana first to see what she thought about it. He shook his head. No. He could show Finn. No. It was too personal, despite the fact that Finn had been there through all of this already. Finn didn't even know about the playlist. His dad did, but he doubted his dad would really understand it. He finally just hit the send button, before he could completely change his mind and chicken out.

He felt a strange sort of relief when his computer told him the email had been sent. Like a huge weight had been lifted off of him. He smiled and it didn't feel strained. He warily dragged himself out of his chair and collapsed on his bed. He felt like he needed to recharge, and he was sure that he could probably sleep for days now. There was a nice kind of freedom knowing that things were completely finished now. This was what he had needed. This was the closure he had been looking for. Now he could be happy. He curled up under the blankets. His last thought before he drifted off to sleep was that he was going to tell his family tonight that it was finally over. That he was happy again and there would be no more pints of ice cream.

_L-lullaby, help me sleep tonight_

Kurt woke to his phone ringing. An annoying, persistent sound. He thought if he just ignored it, that it might stop, but whoever it was just kept calling. He finally reached over to the night stand (unsuccessfully the first time) and grabbed it. He brought it to his ear, giving a sleepy "hello" to the person at the other end. The crying was what snapped him awake and had him bolting upright.

"Hello?" He asked again, not being able to discern whoever it was just from the sniffling coming in at the other end. He had no idea who it was, but it didn't matter as they were _crying_.

"K-kurt," Was that Santana? "A-am I interrupting anything?"

"No, nothing. What's wrong?" He asked, his heart racing. Whatever had happened, it was bad enough to make_ Santana _cry. That was no small feat.

"Can I come over? Or can we meet? I don't know. I need someone to talk to."

"Do you need me to pick you up? You don't sound okay to drive, San."

"I... yes. Um. I'm..." Good god, she didn't even know where the hell she was. What the hell had _happened_? "Do you know where Fat Jack's is?"

"Yeah. I'm not that far, actually." Kurt said, and he wondered for a moment if Santana even knew where he lived. "I'll be there in less than five. Just sit tight, okay?"

"Okay." He went to hang up but heard a sharp, "Kurt!"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"Of course."

He hopped off his bed, thankful that he hadn't changed or anything earlier. He didn't bother checking his hair, though he knew he probably had some pretty wild bedhead. He raced down the stairs, two at a time, his keys jingling in his hand. His dad called out to him, but he shook his head, telling him that he had no time to talk and he'd be back in less than twenty minutes. His dad didn't seem to pleased, but Kurt would explain everything later, when _he_ figured out what the hell was going on.

He jumped into his car, starting it up before he even got his door shut. He didn't even think to put on his seatbelt, as he rushed out of their driveway and sped towards where Santana was waiting. He found her sitting in her car in the parking lot and wasted no time opening her door. She threw her arms around him immediately, and fuck he was so confused but she was so broken. He had no idea what it took to break Santana, but it must have been something really fucking big.

And then he realized that she'd come out to her friends recently. The next logical step (or maybe even the first in most cases) was to come out to your family, wasn't it? He would bet that this had something to do with that. She still didn't say anything as he locked her doors and took her to the passenger seat of his car. He made sure she was all settled in before getting in and heading for home. She was still crying, and she made no attempt at conversation. He was going to wait for her to talk.

He led her inside and was faced with the problem of where to talk to her. He could talk to her in the living room, but that meant that anyone could listen in, and he was sure she probably wanted privacy. He'd never gotten in trouble for having a girl in his room, so he directed her up the stairs. He felt his father's gaze on him and turned to see quizzical stares from both his dad _and_ Finn. Kurt could do nothing more than shrug and follow Santana up the stairs.

She slipped off her shoes and climbed into his bed. There was something he'd never thought he'd see in a million years. She wrapped herself up in his comforter, so he took a seat on the edge of the bed, looking down at her. He kind of wanted to press her for information, but he also didn't want to push her into hysterics. So he waited.

"My abuela is one of the most important people in my life." Santana said quietly, her voice raw and distorted because of her stuffy nose.

"It was really bad?" He asked, running his fingers through her hair. He didn't know exactly why he did it, maybe because it was soothing to him when he was upset. Whatever. She didn't bat him away, and it seemed to help.

"She told me that," Her voice cracked and she buried her face in his comforter. It was a few moments before he heard her muffled voice again. "Some things should be kept secrets."

"So she basically told you that you should have stayed in the closet?" Kurt asked, disbelieving. He knew that people could be so cruel, but it was difficult for him to believe that someone so close to you could react that way. Then again, he could remember a time when he'd been terrified that his dad would react that way.

"Oh, San. I'm so sorry." What else could he say? There was nothing you _could_ say that would heal something like that. Nothing was going to make that better, unless Santana's abuela herself could magically manifest in Kurt's room and take back what she said. Which, if her abuela was nearly as stubborn as her, that wasn't happening anytime soon. "Can I do anything?"

"Can I have some water?" Santana asked and Kurt nodded.

"I'll be right back." He said and slipped downstairs.

His dad and Finn followed him into the kitchen, as he was sure they would. He didn't say a word as he grabbed a glass and filled it with water. His dad and Finn seemed like they had no idea what to do for a moment, until his dad finally cleared his throat and said, "So what's going on?"

"Coming out crisis." Kurt answered, looking at his dad.

"Parents?"

"Grandmother."

"That's such bullsh- crap. Bullcrap." Finn said, glancing quickly at Burt, who just rolled his eyes.

"In this case, bullshit is very appropriate."

"Oh. This is bullshit."

"We've established that Finn, but thank you." Kurt said, grinning as he rolled his eyes.

"She seems pretty shaken up."

"Yeah. I don't know-"

"However long it takes, Kurt. We'll set a plate for her if she's still here at dinnertime." Burt said, holding up a hand. Kurt was reminded once again that he had such an amazing father. He could tell from Finn's goofy smile that he felt the same. Kurt nodded and slipped back upstairs to Santana. She was sitting up now and took the glass from him, taking a small sip before setting it on his night stand.

"Did you ever have anyone really close to you reject you because you're gay?" Santana asked him as he sat down.

"No," Kurt admitted, shaking his head. "Though, my dad is really the only family I have. Well, had at the time, anyway. I was terrified that he wouldn't accept me because he was all I really had."

Santana moved closer to him, cuddling up to his side. He often wondered how many people knew that this side of Santana existed. Not many, he was sure. He wondered what the hell he had done to get to see it. He wrapped an arm around her, and she rested her head on his shoulder as she said, "Of all the people I really cared about, I never thought she'd be the one to say something like that. My parents had even been okay with it, but not my abuela. Do you think she'll come around?"

"I'm sure she will eventually. It might take a really long time. I don't know what it's like, being on that side of the fence, but I watched my dad struggle with it for a while. It's hard for them to accept it, just like it's hard for us," Kurt told her.

"You're a good friend, you know that?" Santana said quietly.

"Thanks."

"I mean it," she said, pulling back away from him to look into his eyes. "I don't have a lot of friends. Not ones that I'm this close to. I don't really feel like I can open up to a lot of people, you know? And I hide so much behind my bitchy persona that I'm sure most people wouldn't even believe that I'm like this when people aren't looking."

"Well, I have no idea what I did that you felt you could show it to me, but I'm glad to know the real Santana. She's actually kind of sweet." Kurt grinned.

She grabbed a pillow and threw it at him saying, "Take that, sweetness."

"Oh, now you've done it." Kurt said, grabbing the pillow and smacking her with it. Before he knew it, they were having a full-on pillow war, and fuck she could hit pretty hard. But he held his own, and they were practically just throwing pillows at each other now. He was in the closet, ducking behind the door, and she'd built up a little fort on the bed to protect herself, launching the pillows that she wasn't using for protection. That was what his father had walked in on when he came to announce dinner.

"I... um. Right. Dinner is done, if you guys are hungry."

"Starving!" Kurt said as he crawled out of his hiding place. He should have been expecting Santana to play dirty, but for a moment, he'd forgotten it was _Santana_ and yelped when a pillow came flying at his head. He tossed it back and said, "Cheater."

"Snix did it." Santana said innocently as she jumped off of the bed and followed him out of the room. She combed her fingers through his hair as she said, "Your hair is a _mess_. Were you asleep when I called?"

"Yeah. I'd passed out a while ago. I would have ignored you, too, but you kept calling."

"Hmph," Santana said, running around him and down the stairs. "See if I ever help you again, Kurt Hummel."

"I came, didn't I?" Kurt cried, following her down.

"That's what you _don't_ want to hear her say." Santana snickered and Kurt rolled his eyes. Burt cleared his throat and Santana and Kurt looked up the stairs, before sharing an embarrassed look. They'd forgotten he was even there.

"Glad to know you're feeling better, Santana." Burt said as he passed them and headed into the kitchen. Santana glared at Kurt and Kurt just shrugged, following his dad into the kitchen, Santana close on his heels.

Kurt could never say that he thought having Santana over for dinner would be _pleasant_, but she could be very polite. He wondered if she was usually like this around other people's parents, or if she was just being polite because of how nice his dad had been. Whatever the case, he'd enjoyed having Santana over for dinner. Fuck, that sounded so weird in his head. He had even enjoyed her constant bicker with Finn. So had their parents, if the way they were trying to hide there smiles was any indication. Kurt would even go so far as to say that _Finn_ didn't even mind it.

After dinner, he'd driven her back to her car, where they'd lost track of time as they leaned against her car and talked. He never thought he'd have so much to talk about with her, but the more they talked, the more he realized that they actually had quite a bit in common. That was a scary thought. He and Santana had a lot in common. If he'd known that in the past, he'd probably want to shoot himself in the face.

"Thank you for everything, Kurt. You really just... you've made me feel so much better." Santana said as she wrapped her arms around Kurt in a tight hug.

"What are friends for?" Kurt asked, hugging her back.

"We should do this more often." She laughed as she pulled back.

"What, hug?" He joked, and she gave him a tap on the arm as she rolled her eyes.

"Hang out in general."

"I agree. Though I can honestly say that never in a million years did I think I'd hear you say that to _me_."

"Yeah, well, you're a lot cooler than people know," Santana smiled at him as she opened up her door and climbed in. "Night Kurt."

"Night Snix." He smirked and laughed as she rolled her eyes. He climbed into his car, grinning like an idiot. Many, many unexpected things were happening, but they weren't at all unpleasant. He was actually glad that he was developing some kind of friendship with Santana. He'd always thought that maybe she wasn't completely a bitch, and now he had his proof. She had just been a scared gay teenager who'd been terrified at the idea of being found out. He could understand that because he'd been there himself.

He just wished he could make people more accepting. It was because of people like that they had been so scared to come out in the first place. They shouldn't have to be scared to be who they were. He just hoped that future generations would have more accepting people in their lives. Life would be so much easier if everyone would just get along.


	12. Blue Christmas

_Only Kurt fucking Hummel_, Dave thought as he read over the email again. And again. And again. This was the only form of contact they'd had since the break-up, and fuck, he couldn't... Kurt had never figured it out. Kurt was smarter than that, so if he didn't know it was because he'd chosen not to see it. He bit his lip as he wondered if he should answer. No, he wasn't going to do that. Kurt had said probably a million times that he'd done this so he could have some form of closure. It was Dave's fault for opening it up, for listening to the stupid playlist. He should have known better. But seeing Kurt's name in his email had been so damn intriguing. He had meant to ignore it, but he couldn't take it anymore.

He pushed back from his desk. There was no way he was going to sit in here and let himself reread the stupid email again. He headed downstairs, where his father was sitting in the living room, watching some stupid Christmas movie.

_I'll have a blue Christmas without you_

Oh, wait. He knew that movie. They watched it every Christmas. A tradition of sorts. _It's A Wonderful Life_. He wondered for a moment why the hell his dad was watching it, and then he noticed the bottle of whiskey. _Oh_. He sat down next to his dad on the couch, staring at the bottle. It was about two-thirds full, which meant that his dad hadn't had much to drink at all so far.

"Oh, hey Dave." His dad said, looking over at him.

"Hey dad."

"Christmas'll be a bitch this year, huh?"

"Yeah," Dave said with a laugh. His dad was pretty straightforward with him a lot of the time now, and a lot freer with his tongue since his mother had moved out. She'd never approved of cursing, which he knew his dad had hated. He always forgot when he was about with Dave, muttering a string of obscenities until Dave had reminded him that he wasn't allowed to say those things. Then his father would buy him an ice cream cone if he promised not to tell his mother. Oh, what a wonderful childhood he'd had. So much ice cream.

"You having anyone over this year?" His dad asked. Dave picked at the hem of his shirt, biting his lip.

"Nah. You?" Dave asked.

"Nope. You goin' to your mom's?"

"No way."

"Have to talk to her at some point, David."

"Like hell I do."

"She's still your mother."

"I don't give a damn."

"Alright, Dave." His father sighed, running his fingers through his hair. Dave wondered what his life would have been like if it had been his father who'd hated that he was gay instead of his mother. He wondered if he would have gotten along as well with his mother. If he would have moved in with her after the divorce. Probably. He couldn't even stand to be around his mother. Not since she'd tried to force him into that special therapy that was supposed to make him "straight." He didn't understand why she couldn't just accept that he was gay. Why she couldn't just accept and love him like she was supposed to.

"Got an email from Kurt today." Dave said. He hadn't really meant to say it out loud, but it was out now, and he hated the pitiful look he was getting from his father right now.

"Good or bad?" His dad asked.

"Um. Good for him. He said he's moving on, which will be good for him."

"I still don't understand why you two broke up in the first place."

"Long story." Dave sighed.

"Here," His dad said, passing the bottle of whiskey over to him. "Feel better."

Dave stared at the bottle now in his hands. Alcohol never got him anything good. He'd also been watching his father trying to drown his sorrows in alcohol for months now, and he could see that it honestly wasn't the best coping mechanism.

_I'll be so blue just thinking about you_

But if it meant forgetting about Kurt for a night, he'd do it. He set the bottle between them on the couch before moving into the dining room to his dad's bar. He opened up the cabinet, which he knew hadn't been locked since his mother had moved out. Reaching in, he pulled out his favorite shot glass and went back into the living room. Passing by their poor excuse for a Christmas tree. A tiny little tree sitting on an end table.

_Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree_

Dave wondered if the Hummel-Hudsons had their tree up yet. He remembered spending the day after Thanksgiving last year, helping them put their tree up and then decorating it. Kurt was kind of a freak when it came to decorating Christmas trees, he'd discovered. Then again, that was Kurt's area of expertise, wasn't it? He couldn't even remember the theme from last year, but he remembered it had something to do with red and gold. Gryffindor? No. That couldn't be right. Kurt was a Slytherin.

_Won't be the same if you're not here with me_

Dave sighed and took a seat next to his dad, pouring himself a shot. He filled his father's shot glass as well. They both held up their glasses, toasting to a shitty Christmas season and then downing their shots quickly. It'd been a while since Dave had any whiskey, so he choked a bit as his throat burned. His father grinned and clapped him on the back, and the two of them spent the night getting wasted.

Dave didn't remember dragging himself up the stairs. Well, it had been more like crawling, as he kept falling when he tried to walk. His dad was laughing at him, his face so red that Dave thought his head was going to explode. Dave rolled his eyes, muttering something unintelligible as he crawled into his room and up onto his bed. He could see his laptop out of the corner of his eye, and the email was still up. He stumbled his way over to the chair, stubbing his toe on the corner of his desk with a loud, "Fuck!" He plopped down in the chair, leaning slightly as he typed.

_Hfasdve ad nide fickaseig whasditse casdhirmas Kurt._

He pulled up a song and attached it to the message before hitting the send button without a single care. _Take that, Kurt fucking Hummel_. He shut the lid of his laptop and crawled back over to his bed. He pulled the covers up over his head and fell into an alcohol-induced sleep.

He woke the next morning, squinting at the bright light coming in through the window. Fuck, that hurt. He looked around his room, shielding his eyes against the light. There was a glass of water and some aspirin on his nightstand. He made a note to thank his dad later and took the aspirin, downing the glass of water. He slid out of bed, rubbing his eyes and moved towards the window. Why was it so fucking bright? One glance out his window told him everything.

_And when those blue snowflakes start falling  
That's when those blue memories start calling_

Dave shook his head and closed the curtains, stepping away from the window. The first snow. He remembered the first snow last year. He'd been so excited about it, because even as a teenager, snow made him all giddy. There were a million different things you could do. Last year, he'd raced over to Kurt's house, dragging him out of bed. He'd made Kurt wear that silly looking snowsuit, and Kurt was content because he got to wear one of his precious scarves. They'd gone sledding and had a blast. They'd done a million other snow-related things last year as well, from Dave teaching Kurt to ice-skate to building a snowman to even having a snowball fight with Finn, Burt, and Carole. He was sure Kurt was probably going to do those things with Blaine this year.

_You'll be doing alright with your Christmas of white  
__But I'll have a blue, blue, blue Christmas_

Dave slowly made his way downstairs. His dad was on the couch, staring at the television, which wasn't on. He shook his head and went into the kitchen. He'd stopped trying to make sense of his father ages ago. He made himself some breakfast, bacon and eggs, before heading back into the living room. He passed the Christmas tree on his way in, glaring at it for reminding him of Kurt. Was every fucking thing going to make him of Kurt?

_Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree  
Won't mean a thing if you're not here with me_

"I'm gonna redecorate the tree." Dave told his dad.

"Why?" His dad asked, looking over at him.

"I don't know," Dave shrugged. "I think some other colors would look better."

Dave was sure his dad could probably see through it, but his dad wouldn't say anything. That was the nice thing about his dad. He didn't press for information like his mother always had. His dad just shrugged and tugged out a book. Ah, so he'd been reading. Well, that made Dave feel less worried about his dad watching tv without it being on.

He went up to the attic, looking for the box of decorations they'd always used for the little tree. The little tree was usually put in Dave's room, and then they'd all gone out to get a real tree for the living room. A family thing. Back when they used to function like a real family. Before Dave had come out. Neither Dave or his dad had wanted to go out and get a real tree this year, so they'd just put up the little one in the living room. He finally found the box, opening it up to look through the different colors. Red ones were on the tree. He wasn't doing gold. Blue reminded him of Kurt. How about silver? Yeah, silver wouldn't make him think of Kurt. He put the lid back on the box and made his way downstairs. He hummed as he took the decorations off the tree.

_I'll have a blue Christmas, that's certain  
__And when the blue heartache starts hurtin'_

He hardly realized his dad was singing along until he stopped humming. He turned to look at his father, who just grinned at him.

_You'll be doin' alright with your Christmas of white  
__But I'll have a blue, blue Christmas_

"Definitely going to be a blue one, Dave." His dad told him, smiling sadly.

"Amen to that."


	13. Hate Me

_Hfasdve ad nide fickaseig whasditse casdhirmas Kurt._

What the hell was that supposed to say? Kurt shook his head. He'd spent much too long trying to figure it out already. He'd told himself that he wasn't going to open up the email. He hadn't even expected to get one back, as Dave hadn't ever answered him back since they had broken up. But here was this email from Dave with some fucking indecipherable message, and what the hell was he supposed to do with that? Dave had also attached a song, though, much to Kurt's surprise. Whatever it was, it was untitled. Kurt told himself it was a bad idea to open it. His instincts said no, so he closed out of his email and went about doing other things. Christmas songs would be taking over Glee club soon enough, as winter break was almost upon them. He really needed to decide what he was going to sing. He had been considering singing something with Blaine, but he wasn't sure yet.

"Knock knock." He'd know that voice anywhere, he thought as he turned around with a broad smile. None other than Santana Lopez stood in his doorway, and she was grinning at him as well. Kurt was still having trouble trying to fathom this very close friendship that they'd developed, but at the same time, he welcomed it. He had realized that he had few friends that he was as close to.

"Well, well. The devil herself."

"Oh shut it." Santana rolled her eyes as she came up behind him. He didn't realize that he'd pulled his email back up, but she apparently did, gasping at Dave's name in his inbox. "Dave emailed you?"

"Shit." Kurt muttered. "Yeah, but only because I emailed him first."

Santana quirked an eyebrow before taking a seat on his lap as she went into his sent mail to pull it up. Kurt wanted to groan out loud, but it would do no good. Santana had her mind set on this. She would get it one way or another. Might as well just let her, rather than fight with her forever only to lose.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"This how you really feel?"

"Yeah."

"So you're really over him, huh?"

"Yeah."

"I see," She said as she went back into his inbox and pulled up the email that Dave had sent back. "This makes no fucking sense."

"Unless you speak gibberish?"

"_Drunken_ gibberish at that," Santana muttered. She laughed a little as a thought occurred to her and upon seeing Kurt's quizzical stare, she said, "I was just thinking that I wouldn't be surprised if Brittany somehow understood this shit."

"Oh god," Kurt laughed, shaking his head. "Her mind works in ways we will never understand."

"Well, maybe the song will give us some clue. Or have you already listened to it?" Santana asked, the mouse hovering over the attached song.

"I haven't. I wasn't planning on it, but my curiosity is peaked."

"Mine too. And I'm going to play it." Santana told him, double-clicking on it. They waited while the song finally came up in Windows Media Player. Kurt let out a little gasp as it started to play. He knew that song, and by Santana's expression, she knew it, too. It didn't bode well for Kurt, as it was incredibly depressing and so very insightful.

_I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head_

So Kurt had his answer. This had killed – or was killing, it seemed – Dave just as much as it had killed him. Santana leaned back against Kurt, tilting her head back to rest on his shoulder with her eyes closed as she listened to the song. Kurt imagined that her thoughts were probably much like his. Maybe, anyway. He didn't really understand why, but Santana seemed to push pretty hard for him and Dave to get back together. Of course, he knew that they wouldn't, but she didn't give up hope and that confused him so much. There was _nothing_ she would gain from it, so he just didn't understand why she was putting so much into it.

_They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed  
__Dropping little reels of tape to remind that I'm alone  
__Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home_

Kurt had to push aside the image of cockroaches crawling around in someone's head before he could process the message. He just found them incredibly disgusting, and if he just thought about how it was _metaphorical_, he could get around it to think about the fact that Dave meant this to say that he still thought about him, replayed memories. Just as Kurt had been doing these past couple of months. Oh god, it'd been October when he'd started that damned playlist. Here he was in December, and it was still plaguing his thoughts. Good god, he thought he'd gotten past this.

_There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain  
__An ounce of peace is all I want for you, will you never call again  
__And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face  
__And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space_

Kurt closed his eyes, resting his head against Santana's. It was all true enough, he supposed. Dave hadn't reached out once in all of these months. Not until Kurt had reached out to him. And now he was only reaching out to tell him to leave him alone. It stung. He felt Santana's hand take his, squeezing lightly. This helped. Having someone here with him. Maybe he wouldn't break down.

_Hate me today, hate me tomorrow  
__Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you_

_ Already tried that_, Kurt thought. He _had_ tried to hate Dave. He thought that maybe it would be easier that way, if he could just hate him. Truth was... Kurt had never hated Dave. Well, maybe a really long time ago, when Dave had bullied him and Kurt hadn't really known the real reason. But that was before all of this, and it wasn't something that Kurt ever really thought about. He didn't like the idea of fixating on that particular black spot in their lives.

_I'm sober now for three whole months  
__It's one accomplishment that you helped me with  
__The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again_

Kurt knew that the context dealt with drinking, but he thought about the battles that they'd often fought while they were together. The one that dealt with Dave coming out. It was funny how that had worked out. Well, not really funny, actually. Just... strange. Kurt honestly couldn't say that he'd ever expected Dave to come out in high school, and he didn't know why he pushed so hard for it. Maybe it was because they'd be apart for college? He wasn't sure. But he'd pushed really hard. And then Dave had been _forced_ out of the closet, and then where had that left them? They'd finally labeled themselves as boyfriends. He could see that coming out had been hard on Dave. Dave had lost his best friend. His mother. His family had been torn apart, and Kurt doubted they'd really recovered from that yet. But Dave had finally been able to stop hiding who he really was, and Kurt felt like that had been a huge accomplishment for Dave.

_In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night  
__While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight  
__You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate  
__You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take_

"You stopped him, you know."

"I know." Kurt was surprised for a moment that Santana even knew. Then again, this was Santana and she knew practically everything. He could ask how she'd known that Dave had come close to suicide, but he was sure he'd get some vague answer about how she was a goddess so she saw everything. Sometimes Kurt really wondered if she really was some sort of all-knowing immortal, but he'd keep that to himself. She'd be flattered by that, and he wasn't going to inflate her ego. She was unbearable with an overly inflated ego.

_So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind  
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind_

Kurt frowned. He didn't want Dave to leave his life, and he didn't want to leave Dave's. But he also felt like Dave wasn't going to give him much of a choice in the matter, like always. Why was all of this always on Dave's terms? It had always seemed like Kurt had all the control in the relationship, but Dave had made the most important calls. The ones that started and ended their relationship. Oh, but hell. Hadn't he just sent a fucking heartfelt email about moving on? Jesus, he wasn't back at square one again, was he?

_Hate me today, hate me tomorrow  
__Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you  
__Hate me in ways, yeah in ways hard to swallow  
__Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you_

"You'll never hate him, will you?"

"Never."

"Good."

_And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave  
__Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made  
__And like a baby boy, I never was a man  
__Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hands  
__And then I fell down yelling "make it go away"  
__Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be  
__And then she whispered "how could you do this to me"_

"I find it somewhat creepy how accurate this stupid song is." Kurt sighed.

"Did you ever ask yourself why he broke up with you?" Santana asked, and Kurt opened his eyes, giving her a quizzical glance because it was such a strange question to ask. Especially considering the fact that it was the _exact_ question he'd been asking himself for the last what, eight months? No, seven. But still.

"Only all the time." Kurt answered honestly.

"Have your answer now?"

"No?" Kurt asked, still confused.

"Really?" Santana asked, shifting a little so that she could look him in the eyes. He just shook his head, and she let out a deep sigh. "I thought it was obvious, but maybe that's only because I actually _know_."

"You do?" Kurt asked and Santana nodded, biting her lip.

"Kurt, he thinks you're too good for him. He thinks that he's never going to be good enough for you, that he's only ever going to hold you back. He thinks that letting you go was in your best interests."

_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you_

_ Oh._

"Why did that never occur to me?" Kurt wondered aloud, shocked. It was just so _Dave_, and yet, all these months, it had never ever occurred to him that maybe that was what had been going through Dave's head when he'd left. And now Dave's silence, cutting off complete contact suddenly made sense. Because if Dave had been doing this for _Kurt's_ sake, then that meant that he had still wanted Kurt, and keeping in contact with him would have only been tempting. Which would have made everything so much harder for him, knowing that Kurt so obviously wanted him back. He'd left Kurt because he wanted Kurt to have better, but he'd stayed away because he knew that he would have given in to Kurt.

"You thought you were past that point."

"But it's... it's just so _obvious_."

"Nobody ever said you were smart, sweetie."

"Oh hush you." Kurt muttered, shoving her out of his lap. She landed on the floor with a loud thump and glared up at him. He only stuck his tongue out at her, which was rather childish, but she did the same, so he couldn't bring himself to care. She stood, brushing off her jeans and then taking a seat on his bed.

"What are you going to do?"

"What _can_ I do? He clearly wants me to stay away."

"Because he's an idiot."

"I'll agree with that." Kurt said and they both smiled at each other.

"Who's an idiot?" Santana and Kurt both turned their heads to see Finn standing in his doorway with his hand in a bag of chips. Santana looked over at Kurt and rolled her eyes. Kurt just grinned and shook his head.

"Dave." Kurt answered as Finn moved into his room and sat next to Santana on his bed.

"Oh, yeah. Hell, I could've told you that. _I_ am an idiot, after all." Finn told them.

"At least you admit it." Santana said, patting Finn's arm. Kurt guessed that Finn probably made the stab at himself so that Santana couldn't.

"So what'd he do now?" Finn asked, his mouth full of chips.

"Well, Kurt sent him an email and Dave answered back. And Kurt's finally realized that Dave broke up with him because he thought he wasn't good enough for Kurt." Santana said. Kurt thought it all sounded too simple, but oh well. Everything was best watered down to it's simplest form when explained to someone else, he mused.

"I could see why he'd think that."

"Finn!" Kurt said, reaching out to smack his brother, but only managing to tip his chair over in the process. A small yelp escaped him as he landed with a thud. He glared up at Finn as though it was his fault, but Finn only shrugged as though to say Kurt was the one that had done it. He popped another chip in his mouth.

"Well, you're basically New York or bust, right? You've got all these big dreams about singing on Broadway and having your name up in lights and shit. Where exactly does Dave fit into that? I can definitely see Blaine in there, but Dave? Not so much."

Santana cocked her head at Finn, her face conveying only surprise. She agreed with Finn, but she was more surprised at the fact that what he said made perfect sense. Finn was the last person she'd expect to understand anything.

"Wait a minute," Kurt said, propping himself up on his elbow. "Have you talked to him about this?"

"Nope." Finn said.

"I think you're lying."

"I don't think he is," Kurt said, studying Finn. He stood, picking up his chair and then sitting back down in it. He wouldn't be reaching out to hit Finn any time soon. He'd rather not end up on the floor again. "You're dealing with the same thing, aren't you?"

"Oh, with Berry!" Santana said, smacking herself on the forehead.

"Yep."

It suddenly dawned on Kurt how connected they all were. It was such a tangled, complicated web that they wove, and it amazed him. These two people sitting with him could offer him insights into Dave's own mind in a way. He could offer them insights into things that they were dealing with as well, and he couldn't help but wonder if it was always going to be that way. He felt that he had forged lifelong friendships that could never be broken, not even by the distance they'd endure next year. He had no idea where Finn or Santana would be going, but he felt sure that no amount distance was going to keep them from keeping in touch.

If you had asked him two years ago who his best friends were, he probably would have told you Mercedes. A year ago? Blaine and Dave. Now? Finn and Santana. It was funny, considering that two years ago, he was "madly in love" with Finn, Dave was his sworn enemy, and he _hated_ Santana. He thought about Mercedes and how the two of them had undoubtedly drifted apart over the past year.

"What about Blaine?" Kurt asked, more to himself than the others because thinking of Mercedes suddenly made him think of Blaine.

"Let me ask you this: if Dave showed up on your doorstep telling you that he loved you, would you take him back?" Santana asked.

There was no hesitation as Kurt said simply, "Yes."


	14. Bound To Happen

**A/N: Hey guys. So, the Blaine chapter is upon us. Honestly, if you don't like Blaine, you _can_ just skip over this.**

* * *

Blaine would be lying if he said he hadn't noticed the change in Kurt back in October. He'd been sure that he'd done something wrong, and he'd been freaking out about it for a while, trying to figure out how to correct whatever it was he'd done wrong. But then he'd heard from Mercedes. She had tipped him off about the fact that Kurt had been singing Kesha's "I miss you so bad it hurts" song. Then he had realized it didn't really have anything to do with him. Except it kind of did.

_I used to know you like the back of my hand_

He'd been Kurt's best friend throughout everything with Dave, so he, better than most people, knew how crazy Kurt had been about Dave. He had also known how crazy their relationship had been, and for that reason, he'd really been holding back with himself. He didn't want to scare Kurt off. He'd known that Kurt wasn't over Dave. He'd even go so far as to say that Kurt would _never_ be over Dave, but that didn't mean that Kurt couldn't love Blaine, right?

He sighed to himself. He'd been considering breaking up with Kurt a while back. Not because Kurt was pining over his ex again, but because he realized something. No matter what he and Kurt had, no matter how nice it might be, they would never come close to having what Kurt and Dave had. Blaine was always going to come up second to Dave, and he just wasn't sure if he could spend his life like that.

It seemed really selfish at a first glance, but the more he thought about it, the more he thought it might be better for Kurt. Until Kurt had some sort of crazy epiphany and had suddenly snapped fully into their relationship. Blaine still doesn't know what really happened. All he knew was that one day, Kurt was the way he had been since October and the next day, he had been overly happy and that sparkle was back in his eyes. Blaine had missed that sparkle.

So he'd decided to stay with Kurt.

_Until today you held your place, now you're shifting like the sand_

And then Kurt had changed again. Blaine knew that there were things that Kurt didn't tell him, probably especially when it came to Dave, but then, Blaine also knew that Dave hadn't spoken to Kurt since the two of them had split. He knew this from three sources, actually. Kurt, Mercedes, and Sebastian. Kurt had kind of dropped off of that list as soon as they'd got together. He knew that Kurt was afraid to bring up Dave once he and Blaine had started seeing each other. Blaine found it kind of silly, considering he'd been there through all of it and knew better than most how much Kurt loved Dave. He'd let it go though, because he didn't want to screw things up. He went to any lengths necessary to avoid fighting with Kurt. He thought it was for the best, really. They were both holding back, he realized.

_Your chest would heave with pride, if I were spoken of  
__Til tonight I never knew the difference between comfort and love_

Was it love? He couldn't say that Kurt loved him in a romantic sort of way. In fact, he doubted that Kurt did. As for himself, well, he really did feel like he loved Kurt. He felt like they were missing something, but he _did_ love Kurt. He knew that much. He turned over in his bad, glancing at the clock. Two in the morning. If he could just take his mind off of all of this for a moment, then maybe he could finally get some sleep. But then, he hadn't been sleeping easy for months now. Maybe Kurt stayed with him solely because it was comfortable. He couldn't say, as he couldn't really muster the courage to come right out and ask Kurt something like that.

_Although you're sleeping right next to me  
__Well, it feels like you are wide awake, in a distant dream  
__Leading a life that is finally free  
__Of these endless nights and countless fights that turn us into who we hate to be_

They didn't fight, but he did know that their relationship was lacking something very necessary. Something... like... chemistry. Yes. That was it. They lacked chemistry. They made fantastic friends, there was no doubt about that. But as a couple? No. He didn't have the kind of chemistry with Kurt that he had with say... Sebastian. He rolled his eyes. He hated having to admit that to himself, but it was true enough. He rolled onto his back, sliding his hands under his head. Did Kurt dream about what it would be like to be with Dave again? Of course he did. It was either that or he spent a lot of time reliving his past relationship with the guy. Blaine knew Kurt compared him to Dave all of the time, and he also knew that he always came up short. To Dave Karofsky. It seemed ridiculous, but the heart wants what it wants, right?

_And this is so difficult for the both of us  
__I know we tried so hard, there's just no hope for us_

He and Kurt, try as they might, would never work. Well, they might, if Dave had never been in the picture. He remembered Kurt being pretty smitten with him in the beginning, and he couldn't deny that he'd been attracted to Kurt. But that was before Dave had confessed his love. Before Kurt and Dave had started seeing each other. He sighed. If Dave had never been in the picture, Kurt would be blissfully unaware of that rollercoaster kind of love he could have. With Blaine, it was a comfortable sort of love. And oh, there was such a difference.

_Well it's more than a shame that we lost to this game  
__All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing, nothing will ever be the same_

Blaine wondered for a moment if he and Kurt might remain friends if they broke up. They had been friends before, and he was sure that they could be friends after. It might be just a little awkward, he was sure, but they could get past it, right? Blaine liked to believe that their friendship could survive anything, even them awkwardly muddying it with the ridiculous notion that they'd do well in a romantic relationship. Who had even started this?

_I used to hold you like it's all that I had  
__Now begins the falling out, we are like a passing fad_

So they were, Blaine realized. Were they anything more than that? He shook his head. _Of course_ they were. This was one of his best friends in the entire world. He couldn't let himself forget that.

_Your mouth would crack a smile if I were spoken of  
__Til tonight you never thought you'd lose this epic battle with love_

Blaine smiled a bit, taking a deep breath. He'd always believed that if he and Kurt ever were to get together, they'd end in some huge ridiculous fight about something as silly as who owned the better scarf or something equally absurd. He never once imagined that it would be because they were just practically two very close friends fooling themselves into thinking they could be together. He thought maybe if they lived in a place where love wasn't really a component of a successful relationship, they'd do just fine. They could live comfortably enough for the time being. They just lacked passion, and he knew that neither him or Kurt would be satisfied with their relationship in the years to come.

_For what it's worth I always admired you__I always thought that we could make it through  
__Now look what time can do  
__It took this masterpiece we built and broke it in two  
__I always believed in you  
__I always loved you_

It was all true enough. He had always admired, believed in, and loved Kurt. He could never think of a time when he didn't feel any of those things toward Kurt. He couldn't say that it didn't mean anything, because it really did mean a lot, but at the same time, it simply wasn't enough. _He_ wasn't enough, and he had accepted that ages ago. And yet, he could not find it in himself to be upset with Kurt. He didn't fault Kurt for any of this. All Kurt had wanted was to be loved by Dave, and Blaine had known that. That only left him with one question: Why did he ever believe that he could make Kurt happy? What had possessed him to think that he could take Dave's place? _No one_ could ever take Dave's place.

No, this was going to have to come to an end. Both he and Kurt deserved so much more than what they had now. He only hoped that Kurt wasn't hurt by Blaine's choice. It wasn't that he didn't love Kurt. It was that he loved him too much to let him go on like this. He was going to let Kurt go. He would _shove_ Kurt back to Dave if he had to. Kurt and Dave had something too special to just let it go like this. He reached over and grabbed his phone from his nightstand.

He was sure he'd be able to talk Kurt into going back to Dave, but Dave was a different matter. He did, however, know someone who had some sort of standing with Dave, and that's who he would go to for help. He quickly texted Sebastian, knowing full well the other boy was probably going to bitch him out for texting him in the middle night. He didn't care. He wanted to make sure _someone_ could talk some sense into Dave Karofsky.

_All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing, nothing will ever be the same_

No, it wouldn't. Nothing would ever be the same.


	15. Broken Arrow

_What do you do when you're stuck  
__'Cause the one that you love  
__Has pushed you away  
__And you can't deal with the pain_

Kurt drummed his fingers on the table, checking his phone again as he waited. He had been confused when Blaine had asked to meet. It was a weekday after all. There was something in Blaine's voice, though. Something that told Kurt this meeting wasn't going to bode well for either of them. He'd have to be an idiot to not know what was coming. It was his own fault, though. He'd brought this on himself.

Blaine walked in, heading directly for the counter, as Kurt knew he would. He watched Blaine's every movement, admiring the fact that despite what he was about to do, he still looked so calm and collected and like nothing was going to happen. He came over to Kurt with a smile on his face that didn't quite reach his eyes. But only Kurt would see that. Kurt knew him well enough to know.

_And now you're trying to fix me  
__Mend what he did  
__And find the piece that I'm missing_

"Hey you." Kurt said playfully, trying to dispel some of the tension.

"Hey Kurt," Blaine said, settling in the seat across from him. "How are you?"

"I'm good," Kurt told him before taking a sip of his coffee. "I was going to spend the day working out what song I was going to sing for the sake of Christmas, but this is a much more pleasant way to spend my day."

"Christmas song, huh? Any ideas?" Blaine said, jumping on the topic. Kurt could see his hesitation, see that he wanted to stall for as long as he could before getting into the conversation he'd come to have with Kurt.

"Mhm," Kurt smiled. "I was thinking we could sing Let It Snow."

Blaine cocked his head for a minute, taking a deep breath. Kurt mentally kicked himself because he actually hadn't meant to force the conversation in that direction, but that really was what he'd been thinking about. Before he had realized that Blaine was going to break up with him, of course. Now he really wasn't sure at all what he was going to sing for Christmas, but he did know one thing. It sure as hell wouldn't be a cheerful song.

_But I still miss him, I miss him, I'm missing him  
__I miss him, I miss him, I'm missing him_

"Kurt..." Blaine said warily. He studied Kurt for a moment before taking Kurt's hand in his, and Kurt sucked in a deep breath. He didn't know why. Kurt was the one being broken up with here. Then again, the feeling was quite obviously mutual. Is this what they called a mutual break-up? Kurt had never really understood the concept.

_And you're sitting in the front row  
__Wanna be first in line_

"I know." Kurt interrupted. Blaine was struggling enough with this, and Kurt really didn't want to make it any harder on him. He wanted to laugh at this thought because since when did anyone ever try to make being broken up with any easier? But he was resigned.

_Waiting by my window  
__Giving me all your time_

"That this is...?"

"Yes."

Blaine gave Kurt's hand a squeeze. This was the wonderful thing about their friendship. Sometimes words weren't needed to convey anything. _So this is what a mutual break-up feels like_, Kurt thought to himself. He realized that this was only his second break-up ever and that it had gone so much smoother and less painful than his last. As he looked Blaine in the eyes, he knew that this was in no way going to destroy their friendship. In a way, he felt that it had made it stronger.

"I'm sorry." Kurt said quietly.

"No," Blaine said, shaking his head. "You shouldn't be."

"I don't agree. If I could just let go..."

_You could be my hero  
__If only I could let go_

"I wouldn't, if I were you," Blaine told him, and Kurt cocked his head. "Look, if I had a relationship that was even _close_ to what you had with Dave, there was no way I'd ever let go either. You guys, however dysfunctional it was, had something that most people only dream of."

_But his love is still in me  
__Like a broken arrow_

"You don't think we had...?" Kurt asked hesitantly. He didn't believe that they did, but he also wanted to know exactly where he stood with Blaine. What Blaine's own feelings had been towards him, because ashamed as he was to admit it, it was never really something that he'd thought about.

"No," Blaine laughed, shaking his head. "I mean, I do love you. There's no doubt about that. But I also don't think we would have lasted more than a few years. We lacked-"

"Passion." They said in unison and both laughed.

"Well, I'm glad we were on the same page." Blaine grinned. Kurt couldn't help but think they shouldn't be laughing or happy right now, but then, what else were they to do? Kurt honestly didn't feel all that upset, and he could see that Blaine didn't either. In fact, the air between them felt incredibly lightened, and Kurt couldn't help but wonder if maybe their decision to pursue a romantic relationship had dragged them down in a way.

"Yes, well, I love you, too. Not in a romantic way, but I do love you." Kurt said as he gave Blaine's hand a squeeze.

"I was a little surprised. I didn't really seem to be your type." Blaine chuckled.

"Ah, but I was taken with you the moment I met you, if you recall." Kurt grinned and Kurt could see the amusement in Blaine's own eyes. Oh, this was so ironic.

"You looked at me as though I was some sort of god."

"I did not!"

"Did too."

_He's the thorn in my flesh  
__That I can't take out_

"So what now, Blaine Anderson?" Kurt asked.

"Let It Snow?" Blaine asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, it seemed like it would be fun. But it's too cheerful, I think." Kurt answered honestly.

"You are an artist, Kurt. We don't hide the way we feel by covering up with things that we don't feel. We use our art to _express_ how we feel. So, I think you should do something melancholy." Blaine told him, sitting back in his chair.

_He's stealing my breath  
__When you're around_

"You're probably right. I don't think the Glee club will like it all that much. Well, maybe Santana, but that's just how she is," Kurt mused, drumming his fingers on the table. A sudden thought struck him. "Oh my god, Mercedes is going to _kill_ me."

"Why do you say that?" Blaine asked, cocking his head.

"Because she's like... she's pushing so hard for you and I. And now that we've... well, she's going to be super pissed." Kurt said sullenly.

"Not her relationship," Blaine said, taking a sip of his drink.

"Doesn't stop her."

"Well, you know, if she's really your friend, she'll care more about your happiness than who you're with, right?" It was Kurt's turn to cock his head, because he hadn't really thought about that before. Mercedes did care about him, he knew, but she also apparently thought she knew what was best for him. Kurt would be lying if he said it didn't bother him a bit. He knew she just didn't want to see him get hurt, though. He could understand that.

"You'd think so." Kurt agreed.

_And now you're trying to convince me  
__He wasn't worth it  
__But you can't complete me  
__He's the part that is missing_

"I might be out of line asking this, but I'm tired of tip-toeing around. Now that we're back to our previous 'friend' status, I only think it's fair that I get the juicy details. What's going on with you and Dave?" Blaine asked.

Kurt hesitated. Before he and Blaine had become boyfriends, he wouldn't have thought twice about dishing out the details and asking for advice. But when that friend becomes your boyfriend, you don't really want to upset him by whining to him about your ex. Kurt realized for the first time that they had been holding back with each other. Going from friends to boyfriends had kind of stunted their relationship in a way. They had limited themselves because they didn't feel they could be so open with each other anymore. How messed up was that?

_What do you do when your heart's in two places  
__You feel burned but you're torn inside_

"Nothing, honestly," Kurt said, chewing his lip. He could tell Blaine everything. Or he could keep his mouth shut. But he felt that he owed this to Blaine because in all honesty, he hadn't been fair to the other boy at all in these last few months. He could give him this much.

So he explained it all to Blaine, down to the last detail. He started with the song in the car, to which Blaine had a eureka moment, everything suddenly fitting together. The intensity with which Blaine listened to Kurt left Kurt in awe. Blaine truly was an amazing man.

_You feel loved but you just can't embrace it  
__You find the right one at the wrong time_

He ended with the email he'd gotten back from Dave, and Kurt could see that everything seemed to make sense to Blaine all of a sudden. Maybe that was what Blaine had really wanted. That clarity so that he could understand what had been going on with Kurt.

"First of all," Blaine began with a huge grin. "I totally didn't see Santana coming into your story at any point, but if you think about it, it really makes a lot of sense, doesn't it?"

"What does?" Kurt asked, confused.

"Alright. Look at this group: You, Dave, me, Sebastian, Santana, Brittany. What do we all have common?"

"We're gay? Or well, mostly gay. Brittany is semi-gay, but yeah. Gay."

"Well, yes. I guess you could say that. Maybe I shouldn't have included Britt," Blaine said, scratching his chin. Kurt realized for the first time since Blaine walked in that he actually had stubble. When did Blaine _ever_ have stubble? "We're all troubled. I mean, yeah, all ordinary teens go through their troubles, but we deal with special kinds of circumstances that most don't. We all need each other more than we realize, I think. It only makes sense that we'd all come together in some way or another."

"Huh," Kurt said, sitting back. It _did_ make sense when Blaine put it like that. Some kind of... gay alliance? It was because they were gay that they all faced the issues that they did. It was their sexuality that brought them all together in the way that it had. "Feels weird, in a way."

"I have an idea." Blaine said suddenly, leaning forward in his chair.

"Do tell." Kurt said, intrigued.

"We should all get together on the weekends. A group hang out. The six of us. I think... I think it would be good for all of us."

"I don't know..." Kurt said, hesitant. "Don't you think that might be a little awkward for some involved?"

"Or maybe it would help resolve issues that need resolved?" Blaine suggested, quirking an eyebrow.

"Think about this for a moment. Dave's my ex. You're my ex. Sebastian is Dave's ex. Dave and I obviously aren't on speaking terms. I don't even know if it's _possible_ for Sebastian and I to sit in the same room without fighting. Santana and he would probably try to kill each other by the end of it. And Brittany would be doing god only knows what."

"You underestimate Brittany, you know."

"How's that?"

"You really think that our dear sweet Brittany is going to let things get tense or heated? Not likely. She is the ice-breaker."

"You think so?" Kurt asked, biting his lip.

"I know so. You aren't the only person from McKinley that I talk to, you know."

"Is that so?" Kurt grinned, playing with the lid on his coffee cup. He had suspicions that Blaine and Mercedes texted back and forth a lot, but he hadn't really thought about Blaine and Brittany talking. What did they even have in common? Ah, well, he wasn't going to worry about it.

"It is," Blaine answered, grinning. "We got completely off-topic here, though. The second thing that I wanted to say is that you shouldn't give up on Dave."

"_He_ gave up on _me_." Kurt said.

"_For your sake_. Kurt, he loves you so damn much. I honestly can't imagine you coming across anyone that could ever love you as much as Dave does. And I know that you'll never love anyone like you love Dave. You two were meant for each other, which is why you need to keep pushing. Eventually, he's going to give in to his own desire to have you, you know?"

"I don't know. He's so fucking stubborn."

"So are _you_, Kurt. Just..." Blaine took Kurt's hand again. "Don't give up on him, okay? Do this for you. For Dave. For those of us who want nothing more than to see you guys happy."

"Are there a lot of you?" Kurt asked, smiling.

"I can think of at least seven people."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"I didn't realize we had a fan club." Kurt laughed. Blaine shrugged and gave Kurt's hand a squeeze before pulling his hand back and sitting back in his chair.

"It's something like that," He told Kurt. "I still think we should do that weekend thing with the others."

"Let me try to get things worked out with Dave first," Kurt said and Blaine nodded. Kurt wondered just who these mystery people were that were so invested in his and Dave's relationship. He hadn't ever realized that they meant anything to anyone besides themselves. But support was coming in from so many unexpected places, and it amazed Kurt that he had so many good friends to speak of. He'd been wrong before when he said he didn't have many friends. Besides, the number didn't matter. The quality of the friendships did, and Kurt had to admit that he had some of the finest. "Was it as hard as you thought it would be?"

"No. I mean.. I thought maybe there would be tears and everything. But it was just so... easy. Should it have been so easy?" Blaine wondered.

"Who knows? But it worked out well for us."

"I agree. I feel... lighter." Blaine said, smiling.

"Me too, actually."

_But his love is still in me  
__Like a broken arrow_

"So, now what are we going to do to get you and Dave back together?" Blaine asked with a huge grin and Kurt groaned.

"Here we go again."


	16. Winter Song

_This is my winter song to you_

Upon discussion, Kurt had been sure that he would be singing something Dave-related. He could have sung something directly related to Christmas, but he just didn't like the idea of it. The sad Christmas songs were fine and all, but he just couldn't seem to find the right one to convey exactly how he felt. Sure, they felt sad, but they lacked the bleakness that he was looking for. Kurt had almost settled on Taylor Swift's _Christmas When You Were Mine, _but then he'd stumbled across the most perfect song. Or well, in his mind, it was perfect. While most Christmas songs evoked images of festive colored lights, presents under trees, and mistletoe, the song Kurt had discovered was cold and gray and lonely, but also possessed a tiny flicker of hope. It was exactly what he wanted.

_The storm is coming soon  
__It rolls in from the sea_

He'd shown it to Santana and Blaine the previous week. It hadn't really been entirely intentional, actually. He was at the Lima Bean with Blaine, and Santana had shown up. He thought that perhaps there would be a little trouble, because he'd always gotten the impression that Santana didn't like Blaine, but the two of them seemed to get on just well. Maybe it was just because Kurt had been with Blaine and Santana was pushing so hard for him to be with Dave. Now she had yet another ally who was pushing just as hard as she was, and Kurt wasn't really sure what to think about that.

_My voice a beacon in the night  
__My words will be your light  
__To carry you to me_

Now he sat perched on a stool in the choir room, Puck on the stool next to him as he played for Kurt. Even with Santana's sad smile encouraging him, he couldn't help but be discouraged by Mercedes' fiery glare. She hadn't learned until today that he and Blaine were split, and he hadn't even told her. He hadn't wanted to because he was exhausted enough from everything else going on. He just didn't think he had the energy to deal with her rant on how much of an idiot he was for letting Blaine slip between his fingers. But really, he hadn't. Not if you looked at it from his perspective. It took not being with Blaine to realize how wrong it had felt to be with him. He could tell that Blaine felt the same way, and now he felt a lot less guilty over the way things had just kind of sizzled out between the two of them. But, if it was any consolation for Mercedes – and it meant the world to Kurt – he and Blaine were better friends than they had ever been before.

_Is love alive?  
__Is love alive?  
__Is love alive?  
__Is love..._

It almost felt like things were beginning to come together in his life. For the first time in a long time, things felt somewhat right. As he thought over the fall, a lot of it seemed so unreal. Like it was happening to someone else and not him. Or maybe he was just so distant from it all and he was finally coming back to himself. He just had one thing left to make right. He didn't know if he could ever convince Dave to take him back, but he knew that Blaine and Santana were working together to chip away at this stupid wall Dave had thrown up against Kurt. They were determined to get Dave to take Kurt back, but honestly, Kurt would be okay with just a conversation. There was no doubt he wanted more. He would be _ecstatic_ if Dave would take him back, but he wasn't going to ask for that much.

_They say that things just cannot grow  
__Beneath the winter snow  
__Or so I have been told_

He'd gone sledding with Finn, Blaine, Santana, Brittany, and – much to his surprise – Sebastian last weekend. He had gone reluctantly, and most everyone knew the reason for his hesitation, but they quickly proved to him that new memories could always be made. They claimed that the new ones could replace the old, but he didn't believe that. He'd never forget the first time he and Dave had ever gone sledding. Not in a million years. But it had been nice to get out with his friends and have a good time. It was something he hadn't seriously done in a while, but he had been able to let loose and be himself. The only person in the group that he didn't care for was Sebastian, but even they had lightened up in the fun of it all. Kurt wouldn't go out of his way to talk to Sebastian now, but he wouldn't be unnecessarily rude to him. Besides, he could see the way Sebastian and Blaine kept looking at each other, and he was always going to support Blaine. If Blaine liked Sebastian, Kurt was going to have to get along with him. Even if he did hate the fact that Sebastian had dated Dave.

_They say we're buried far  
__Just like a distant star  
__I simply cannot hold_

He and Sebastian had actually had some time to themselves to discuss Dave, and it had been a relieving conversation for Kurt. He liked knowing that he wasn't the only one that couldn't move on. That he wasn't the only one that couldn't let himself love because he was still hung up on his ex. He felt a little sympathetic towards Sebastian, but then, like Blaine, Sebastian had known what he was getting into. Or that's what he had told Kurt, anyway. Normally, Kurt wouldn't believe a word Sebastian said, but there was a certain vulnerability that showed through in Sebastian's words.

_Is love alive?  
Is love alive?  
__Is love alive?  
__Is love..._

Kurt closed his eyes, feeling the emptiness fill him as he sang the words. He normally wouldn't let himself go there, but Blaine had been right. In order to be the artist he was meant to be, he was going to have to embrace this. Express his own feelings in song and not hold back. He couldn't hold back at all. He had to let that emotion come through, in the song, in his voice, in his presence.

_This is my winter song  
__December never felt so wrong  
__Cause you're not where you belong  
__Inside my arms_

Truer words had never passed his lips, he decided. Even a December filled with endless fights felt so much more right than a December spent without Dave. Dave belonged with him, and he was never more certain of anything in his life. He had been a fool to ever believe he could get over Dave. Or that he could ever love anyone else. He was never going to love anyone the way that he had loved Dave. Screw that "you have to lose your first love" and "high school relationships never last anyway" bullshit. What he and Dave had was so completely real. He felt it in his entire being. He couldn't live without Dave.

_I still believe in summer days  
__And seasons always change  
__And life will find a way_

Whatever this was... this period in their lives where they weren't together, it would pass. He and Dave would be together before long. If their love was as true as Kurt felt that it was, they would end up together. It was only a matter of time. Not a matter of if. It was a matter of _when_. Kurt hoped that it would be sooner than later, but he was so certain. Even if it took years, he would wait for Dave. God, he hoped it wasn't years. Please don't let it be years.

_I'll be your harvester of light  
__And send it out tonight  
__So we can start again_

The hope hit him so much harder than he had thought it would, and he realized that he couldn't have chosen a song more perfect. This sad tale of longing somehow evolved into hope for the future, and he could feel the transformation within him. His own hope stirred and woken as he let the song flow through him, the words passing over his lips. The emptiness was removed, and in it's place, the little spark that had been put there by a silly song was now a raging inferno and it wouldn't be quieted. He would get what he wanted. He would do everything that he could. He would have Dave and all would be right again.

_Is love alive?  
__Is love alive?  
__Is love alive?  
__Is love..._

_This is my winter song  
__December never felt so wrong  
__Cause you're not where you belong  
__Inside my arms_

The glee club applauded him and he slipped quietly off the stool, a smile on his face as he bowed to them and moved quickly to his seat, next to Santana. He glanced over at Mercedes to find her still glaring at him, and he thought _if looks could kill_... She meant well, he was sure. Didn't she? He couldn't help but wonder if she would feel this way if she had known what he'd been going through the last eight months or so. He'd never really talked to her about it, since she'd gotten carried away in her own relationships, and he was left with Finn for consolation. Not that being stuck with Finn had been a bad thing. In fact, it had turned out to be a very good thing.

Still, he was surprised when she approached him after glee club and said, "I am so disappointed in you," He could feel Santana stiffen next to him, but he didn't really have time to register anything before Mercedes continued. "Here you had this damn near _perfect_ boy who loves you and you couldn't get over yourself long enough to show him a little appreciation for all of the shit he puts up with from you. Why are you _so_ stuck on a boy who doesn't give a damn about you? One that treated you so wrong and just abandoned you? Why couldn't you just let Blaine love you and love him back?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out as all of that guilt came rushing back and he was crushed beneath the shame. He suddenly felt chained again. The world – which had felt so light just moments ago – suddenly felt heavy and he was so weary of it all. He almost thought to lean on Santana for support under this metaphorical weight, but he just closed his eyes, taking a deep, tired breath before looking back at her, defeated. It was Santana, intertwining her fingers with his and speaking up, that gave him strength.

"What is your _problem_? You are not Kurt, and his relationship with Blaine was exactly that. It was _theirs_, and it's all their business. What right do you have to stand here and judge Kurt for feelings that he _can't control_? Furthermore, what gives you any right at all to stand here and talk about what's best for Kurt when you don't know _anything_. I'm pretty sure I haven't seen _you_ holding his hand when he's upset or listening to him spill his guts about how he really feels. I'd say you're basing things off of a completely one-sided story, but I have to wonder if you've even talked to Blaine about it, considering the fact that he's not even _upset_. He and Kurt are _happier_ now that they're apart. So get your shit straight before you go around judging people."

"You weren't really around when Kurt needed you. I was the one who had to force him to eat when he refused. I put sleeping pills into his food when he wasn't looking so he could get some sleep, because he really couldn't sleep otherwise. I sat with him through all of those horrible awful chick flicks again and again. I ate three times my weight in ice cream for him. I dragged him out of the house, doing my best to keep him busy so he wouldn't think about Dave. _I_ was there for all of that. Where were _you_?"

Kurt looked between Santana and Finn. He wasn't shocked at all that Santana had said anything, because it was so like Santana to retaliate where she saw fit. He was just more surprised that it was for someone other than herself or Britt. He shouldn't have been. He knew that. But the fact that Santana cared so much for him just still completely awed him sometimes. And Finn... god, he could kiss Finn right now. Finn had seen him at his worst, had _helped_ him at his worst. He finally settled his gaze on Mercedes, who was looking like she'd just gotten a particularly nasty slap in the face. She was clearly outnumbered, she could see that much. Kurt almost felt sorry for her, but then he remembered her words to him only moments ago. And Santana and Finn's words to her. Again, he was struck by that wonderful feeling of having the most amazing friends he could ever ask for.

"Stringing Blaine along was wrong. I admit that," Kurt said quietly. "But I can't control who I love, and he knows that. And like Santana said, Blaine and I are actually getting along better now that we're not actually together. Being a couple put limits of sorts on our relationship, and we're so much freer now that we don't have them. This is for the better. It's _my_ life, Mercedes. And you seriously cannot stand here and judge me when you yourself are doing the same exact thing. I have to go."

Kurt shook his head and moved around her. He didn't look back, but he didn't think that she did either. He knew that there was truth in her words, but there was truth in the others words as well. When had everything become so ridiculously complicated? Friendship wasn't supposed to be this hard, or so he thought. He wondered for a moment if they'd bounce back from this. He turned the corner, but didn't go any farther. He rested with his back against the wall, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath. He wasn't too surprised when he felt three sets of arms wrap around him.

"Thanks guys."


	17. With A Little Help From My Friends

"Operation Kurt and Dave." Blaine said before tossing a kernel of popcorn and trying to catch in his mouth.

"That's so lame." Santana answered, tossing popcorn at Blaine.

"Sorry, but I have to agree." Sebastian piped up from the floor.

Kurt looked around his living room, smiling. A movie night turned into a strategy meeting for getting Kurt and Dave back together. Kurt couldn't help but shake his head at the silliness of it. The movie had gone off hours ago. Finn was sitting in the chair, his legs swung over the arm of the chair as he half-focused on the game he was playing and half-focused on the conversation going on around him. Blaine took up the other chair, his position mirroring Finn's, but instead of facing the tv, he was facing the couch. Kurt sat curled up on one end of the couch – the one closest to Blaine's chair – and Santana and Brittany sat at the other end. Brittany sat with her back against the couch, and Santana laid back against her, sitting between her legs. Sebastian was sprawled out on the floor. Burt and Carole were in and out of the living room, catching only snatches of the conversation as they passed through. They heard enough to understand what was going on, though, and offered ideas as they went along.

After Burt's confession that they missed Dave, Kurt hadn't been too surprised that they weren't too upset over Kurt and Blaine splitting up. It wasn't that they didn't like Blaine, because they actually loved Blaine. They just didn't really believe that Blaine was the one for Kurt. That spot – to them – was Dave's. Kurt found it funny that even his _parents_ were a part of his and Dave's fan club. That Dave probably had no idea even existed.

_What would you think if I sang out of tune  
__Would you stand up and walk out on me_

Kurt couldn't help but grin as the song came to mind, and it didn't go unnoticed. Santana nudged him with her foot, and asked, "What's with you, Smiley?"

_Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song  
__And I'll try not to sing out of key_

"A song came to mind, is all."

"Oh, a song to send to Davey?" She asked. Everyone was looking at Kurt now, and this only made his smile even wider. He only shook his head in answer, because for once, the song had absolutely nothing to do with Dave.

_I get by with a little help from my friends  
__I get high with a little help from my friends  
__I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends_

"Has nothing to do with Dave, actually." Kurt admitted.

"What, really? You mean you actually think about things that aren't about Dave?" Sebastian asked, and Kurt tossed a pillow at him. Sebastian only laughed and threw the pillow back in answer. Their... friendship – for lack of a better word – had definitely improved in the last week. He was sure now that Sebastian and Blaine _definitely_ cared about each other. In fact, they kind of reminded him of him and Dave.

"Yes..."

_What do I do when my love is away  
__Does it worry you to be alone?_

"Well, what song is it?" Santana asked, nudging Kurt with her foot. She was so damn pushy, but Kurt didn't mind. He actually kind of liked it. She took charge with everyone, which... in this group, having someone in charge was kind of necessary.

_How do I feel by the end of the day  
__Are you sad because you're on your own_

"Why do you want to know? It's not Dave-related." Kurt said.

"It's _Kurt-related_, which is good enough for me because I'm a nosy bitch." Santana answered.

_I get by with a little help from my friends  
__I get high with a little help from my friends  
__I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends_

"Fine. Any Beatles fans?" Kurt asked, addressing everyone in the room. There was a grin and a yes from everyone in the room, and Kurt thought maybe this was fate playing a hand now because god, could he have a more perfect group of friends? "With A Little Help From My Friends."

"Oooh, Auntie Tana likes."

"Do you need anybody?" Blaine sang, grinning.

"I need somebody to love." Kurt sang.

"Could it be anybody?" Sebastian sang from the floor, his goofy smile popping up over the coffee table.

"I want somebody to love." Kurt sang to Sebastian.

"Would you believe in a love at first sight?" Finn sang from his chair, his eyes still on the screen. Blaine and Sebastian laughed, because everyone had forgotten that he was there.

"Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time." Kurt sang, resting his feet on the coffee table.

"What do you see when you turn out the lights?" Santana sang, wagging her eyebrows at Kurt.

"I can't tell you, but I know that it's mine." Kurt grinned, tickling the bottom of her foot. She squealed and pulled it back as everyone – but Brittany – joined in singing:

_I get by with a little help from my friends  
__I get high with a little help from my friends  
__I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends_

They all lapsed into giggles, and Kurt thought there was nothing better than sitting around with a group of your friends, singing, talking, plotting, whatever. He was having fun with them, and that was what mattered. They were all one little happy family. But they were missing one. One instrumental person that would complete this odd little family.

"Is that our secret code?" Brittany asked seriously, and everyone lapsed into laughter all over again. This only confused her even more, but she couldn't help but smile because everyone was laughing and happy and she liked that best.

"It's our song." Santana said decidedly.

"I think it's perfect." Blaine agreed.

"All in favor say aye." Santana said.

"Aye!" They all called out and the giggles started all over again.

Kurt sighed deeply, smiling as he gazed around the room at each person there. This was by far the least likely group he'd ever pictured spending their Saturday night in his living room, but at the same time, Blaine had been so completely right. It only made sense that all of them would be so close now. They understood each other in ways that no one else could. Well, Finn was the exception, but they all had a pretty deep respect for Finn these days. Santana hadn't really known all of that about Finn taking care of Kurt over the summer, but when it all came out, she had been shocked and awed. She'd always thought that Finn's stupidity had made him a shallow sort of man and that he didn't possess the sensitivity it took to take care of a person like that, but she was learning that so many people really underestimated him.

"Think Dave knows that one?" Finn asked from his chair.

"Oh are you _kidding_?" Sebastian huffed from the floor, and Kurt started laughing. No one else in the room had any idea why they reacted the way that they did, but Kurt quickly explained.

"Dave is obsessed with the Beatles. They're his favorite."

"Ohhhh. That's something you have in common, then." Finn answered.

"Well, the Beatles aren't my _favorite_-" Kurt protested.

"No, but you are obsessed."

"It's true." Blaine said in agreement.

"We could use that." Santana said suddenly.

"Huh?" Kurt kind of wanted to laugh at the fact that everyone said it together at once, but he decided not to. He wanted to know what Santana was on about.

"You and Dave share this obsession. We can use that. You could sing to him. A Beatles song." Santana answered, resting her feet in Kurt's lap.

"Except he won't even think about texting or emailing Kurt." Sebastian said.

"And he's been avoiding Kurt in the halls." Finn said.

"So we'll force him into it." Santana answered.

"He'll see through that."

"He doesn't trust you anymore, San." Britt answered and everyone turned to look at her. "What? Ever since she convinced him to come when Kurt sang that Kesha song, he won't go along with anything she wants him to do."

"She _what_?" Kurt asked, shocked.

"That was forever ago." Santana shrugged and rolled her eyes. Kurt sighed. This was typical Santana. She knew everything, kept her mouth shut about most things, and went about doing crazy things to get everyone stirred up. "He thought you were singing about Blaine at first."

"Really? Kurt and I were still together then." Blaine said, tossing another popcorn kernel up and catching it with his mouth.

"You knew about that?" Kurt asked, dumbstruck.

"Yeah. Mercedes told me."

Santana sent a glare at Blaine. Santana was still so pissed over that episode with Mercedes earlier in the week that she had forbidden everyone in their little group from saying her name in her presence. Kurt caught her and Mercedes glaring at each other all week in glee and he wondered if they were ever going to get over it. As it was, Kurt still hadn't spoken to Mercedes since, and Mercedes hadn't really tried to talk to him. Kurt didn't know what that meant for their friendship, but he hoped that this would blow over at some point. Even if they'd grown apart over the past year, she'd been his first good friend in high school.

They all sat together in a sort of comfortable silence that you wouldn't really expect from a group of six. Kurt was doodling random things in a notebook. Finn was still playing his game. Brittany was running her fingers through Santana's hair, while Santana just sat there and enjoyed it. Blaine was still catching popcorn in his mouth, and Sebastian was flipping through one of the magazines that had been sitting out on the coffee table. While it might seem that they were trying to keep themselves entertained, they were just content to sit there together without saying anything.

The silence didn't last long, however, as an idea came to Blaine.

"You could write the lyrics out and give it to him."

"I don't think that would work. He'd probably just throw it in the trash." Kurt said, not looking up from his notebook.

"Santana could give it to him." Sebastian suggested.

"Doubt it would work," Santana answered. "He would probably guess it was a message from Kurt."

"What if I drew on the outside of the note and made it look like a note from me and gave it to him? Then he wouldn't really suspect Santana or Kurt and he'd read it and_ then_ he would know it's from Kurt." Brittany said. Everyone looked at her, surprised, but they all considered it. No one pointed out that it would probably be really weird for Brittany to give Dave a note, but then Dave might just pass it off as Brittany being her usual strange self. None of them were sure if Dave would read the note, but what was the harm?

"It's worth a try." Finn answered and everyone agreed.

"Know what song you'll use?" Santana asked Kurt.

"Not yet, but I'll figure it out."

"Operation Beatles is a go." Blaine said, grinning.

"Well," Santana sighed. "It's better than Operation Kurt and Dave."


	18. Crying, Waiting, Hoping

Kurt sat at his desk, rubbing his hands over his face. This was his chance to say everything that he wanted to say to get Dave back. This was going to be it. The words he wrote, the song he chose, that would all determine whether Dave would be his again. He didn't know if he could do it. His mind was blank. He just didn't know if he had what it took to get Dave back on his side and into his arms. He almost hated the interference of all of his friends in this instance. They would _never_ let him give up now.

Finn was stretched out on Kurt's bed, propped up on his elbow as he focused on the game on Kurt's tv. He'd moved his xbox into Kurt's room because this was where they were holding yet _another_ plotting session. Well, for the most part. Because it was a weekday, Sebastian and Blaine weren't present. Brittany wasn't either, as she had plans of her own. So it was just Kurt, Finn, and Santana and their bickering was _not_ helpful in any way.

"Fine! If you think _you_ can do it, be my guest!" Finn said, tossing the controller at Santana. She rolled her eyes, but grinned as she picked it up and asked him what buttons did what. Finn covered his face with his hand and shook his head. "You cannot be serious."

"But of course I am, Finniekins." Santana said sweetly. Kurt burst into laughter and wondered how the hell Santana could keep a straight face while saying that. Finn was just glaring at her, and Kurt realized that it probably wasn't the first time she had called Finn that. How could these two _not_ be distracting?

"SO Kurt!" Finn said brightly, looking over at Kurt. "How's it coming? Chosen a song yet?"

"Eh," was Kurt's reply. He doodled in the corner of the paper as he said, "I've got a small list of songs that might do the trick. I just... how do we even know this is going to work?"

Santana put down the controller and looked over at Kurt, frowning. Santana had been entirely too optimistic and hopeful for his tastes in this last week. She really honestly believed that this was going to work, and if any of them indicated that they thought otherwise, they got that disapproving frown that she was directing his way now. Why was she so goddamn invested in this?

"It's going to work, Kurt. He loves you."

"Maybe that's not enough."

Santana sighed and Kurt braced himself. That sigh meant one of two things. She was getting ready to tear him to shreds, or she was getting ready to give some long lecture. Luckily for him, it was the latter, as she said, "Dave is stubborn. He thinks that what he's doing is for your own good, but I think that after _this_, he'll see how much you guys really should be together. Maybe you can get through to him that you _need_ him in order to be happy. You have to make him believe that he's necessary to your happiness, because that's probably what's most important to him. Right now, he thinks that he can make you happy in the short-term, but in the long-term of it all, you'll be miserable with him. You have to somehow show him that it's not true at all. That even when you go off to New York and become some big performer and are successful, you'll _still_ need him in order to be happy. Otherwise, he's going to hold out and then go off on his own after he graduates. My guess is that you'll never see him again after that."

The room was silent as everyone turned over her words in their minds. Kurt had never really considered the long-term of it all. He'd always been so focused on either the past or the here and now. The only time he'd really ever brought up the future was when they had talked about college, which had always led to fights. He wondered if that was what had ultimately changed Dave's mind. If he thought back to their last argument before they split... yeah, it was about college. But _why_ did they fight about college? Dave was intelligent and could probably get into any school he really wanted. Oh, wait. Dave didn't believe that.

"She's right." Finn said finally. "If he doesn't think he can really fit into your life after high school, he's not going to give in. He needs to know that you'll need him."

"Does Rachel know that's how you feel?" Santana asked, laying a hand on Finn's shoulder. Finn just shrugged and looked up at Kurt.

"So what about those songs?" Finn asked.

Kurt frowned. He hated when Finn deflected like this, and he could tell by Santana's own frown that it bugged her as well. Kurt knew from experience that as long as Finn had something else to focus on – usually another person's problems – he would use that to avoid his own. But Finn was running out of time. It was already December, and he was going to have to figure things out already. Santana cleared her throat, interrupting Kurt's thoughts and she shook her head as he looked over at her. This first, she was saying. They'd deal with Finn later.

"Um. Well. I've got _I Call Your Name, I Want to Tell You, Got to Get You Into My Life, Don't Pass Me By, _and _I Need You_." Kurt said, looking over the list he had in his hands.

"What about _Oh! Darling_?" Finn asked.

"Don't know why I didn't think of that one." Kurt said, scribbling the song down on the list.

"Or... _Crying, Waiting, Hoping_?" Santana suggested. Kurt stopped writing, his pencil freezing in mid-letter. He must have skipped over that one, because he didn't really remember seeing it in iTunes. If he had, he would have certainly added it to the list.

"It's kind of short, isn't it?" Kurt mused, tapping the eraser against his lips.

"Maybe that's not such a bad thing, though," Finn said, sitting up. "You don't want to say too much. It's desperate, isn't it? And it implies that you'll never stop waiting for him to come back. That sort of 'I can never live without you' message that you need."

"It's perfect," Santana murmured and Kurt nodded his head as he wrote it down and circled it. So that would be the song. "A suggestion if I may?"

Kurt and Finn both looked at Santana, surprised. She didn't normally ask, so Kurt was aware that it was probably some huge change in their earlier plans. The delivery of the song, so to speak. He wasn't wrong.

"I don't think you should write it in a note or anything. We need to go bigger."

"Yeah, I think so, too. Writing it in a note seems a little silly now. It's not big enough."

"So what would you have me do?" Kurt sighed.

"We could graffiti it on his house," Santana said, grinning. Finn rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"I'd rather do something I won't get arrested for."

"You could sing it." Finn said.

"We discussed that before. We'll never get him into the choir room or the auditorium."

"So sing it somewhere he _will_ go," Santana gasped. She grinned and Kurt could see her mind forming some big idea. He was almost scared to ask her what she was thinking, but she would tell him anyway. "How much do you love Davey?"

"That's a stupid question." Kurt huffed.

"Enough to sing a song to him in front of all of our fellow classmates?" Santana asked, raising an eyebrow.

"The cafeteria... perfect!" Finn said. Santana wore a smug grin as she looked from Finn to Kurt. Kurt felt his stomach twist into knots. It wasn't something he was new to. He'd sung in front of his classmates before, so he shouldn't be so nervous right? He'd never done something like _this_ before, though. Never serenaded anyone in front of a whole room full of people. He smiled a little, thinking about the Gap Attack. Blaine had been nervous, too. Of course, it hadn't worked out for him...

"Come on. What have you got to lose?" Santana asked.

"Alright, alright. I'll do it. I'll serenade him in the cafeteria." Kurt agreed.

Easier said than done, Kurt realized when he was standing in the doorway to the cafeteria the next day. Well, he was actually just peeking around the door because his nerves had him so on edge that he wasn't quite ready to be spotted by San or Finn just yet. He could see Dave sitting at his usual table, laughing with his football friends and completely unaware of what Kurt was about to do. He let out a shaky breath. He couldn't do this. It wasn't going to fix anything. He would just be creating more problems because Dave would probably get upset with him for doing something like this. Kurt was making a complete fool of himself, and he was probably going to embarrass the hell out of Dave. He backed away from the door, getting ready to turn and run, when he backed right into someone. He tilted his head up to find Finn staring down at him.

"Thought you might try that."

"It's stupid! It won't work! He's just gonna-" Finn clamped his hand over Kurt's mouth to shut him up. Kurt could feel the panic building up with each word he said, and Finn stopping his speech stunted that panic for a moment. He certainly didn't _enjoy_ having Finn's hand over his mouth, so he did the one thing he knew would work. He licked Finn's hand.

"Oh, gross!" Finn said, tugging his hand away and wiping it on his shirt. "Disgusting."

"It's not like we've never shared food or drinks or anything," Kurt muttered, rolling his eyes as he folded his arms across his chest.

"That's a more indirect way than outright licking someone. And you're not going to distract me Kurt. If you don't go in there, Santana's going to come out and _drag_ you in there. Is that what you want everyone to see? Santana dragging you while you're kicking and fighting like a three year old who doesn't want nap time?" Finn asked, grinning.

"I'm not a three year old!" Kurt said.

"Exactly. You're a lovesick seventeen year old who needs to go in there and serenade the man he loves."

"Right. I can do this. I got this. I just need to go in and sing. Right?" Kurt asked uncertainly, looking up at Finn.

"Right," Finn said, spinning Kurt around and giving him a push towards the cafeteria doors. "Just get in there and give it your all. True love and all that shit depends on it."

"Oh that's not – _okay_!" Kurt said as Finn shoved him into the cafeteria. He went unnoticed as he made his way up to the little platform Finn and San had set up during their free period. He'd heard the kids talking about it earlier, wondering what would be going on in there. He looked around, spotting Santana standing near a set of doors leading outside. She gave him a tiny wave and a big smile as she and Brittany made their way up with him. They'd be singing back-up. He took a deep breath. Yeah, he could do this.

Finn was on drums, Puck on guitar, and then he and the girls were singing. He glanced at Finn and Puck as Finn counted down and then he and Puck began to play.

_Crying (crying)  
Waiting (waiting)  
__Hoping (hoping)  
__You come back  
__I just can't seem to get you off my mind_

If they hadn't had the attention of the students before, they definitely had it now. Kurt realized that the music and their voices were the only sounds to be heard in the cafeteria. It wasn't every day kids got up to sing in the cafeteria, and Kurt was sure there was probably a really good reason for that. Well, he did remember the food fight that had started after _We Got The Beat,_ but god, he hoped something like that didn't happen now.

_Crying (crying)  
__Waiting (waiting)  
__Hoping (hoping)  
__You come back  
__You're the one I love, I think about you all the time_

Kurt looked directly at Dave, who was staring right at him. Kurt realized that this was the first time in a long time that the two of them had really actually acknowledged each other. There was nothing standing between them right now. Him and Dave. As he sang to Dave, he forgot everyone else. None of them mattered right now. This was between him and Dave.

_Crying (crying doo doo doo)  
My tears keep on falling all night long  
Waiting (waiting doo doo doo)  
It seems so useless, I know it's wrong_

_Keep a crying (crying)  
Waiting (waiting)  
Hoping (hoping)  
You'll come back  
__Maybe someday soon, it'll change and you'll be mine_

He couldn't read Dave's face. Well, he could at first. Dave had obviously been shocked. But after that, Kurt just couldn't tell what Dave was thinking or feeling. He just watched Kurt, listened as he sang. But he was hopeful. Maybe Dave would see how much he really needed him. Maybe Dave would understand that Kurt didn't want another person in the entire world, and he just might stay away from love for ever if Dave didn't take him back. Dave was the only one for him. Maybe Dave would see that._  
_

_Crying (crying doo doo doo)  
My tears keep on falling all night long  
Waiting (waiting doo doo doo)  
It seems so useless, I know it's wrong_

_Keep a crying (crying)  
Waiting (waiting)  
Hoping (hoping)  
You'll come back  
__Maybe someday soon, it'll change and you'll be mine_

_Crying, waiting, hoping_

Or maybe he was wrong, he realized as he watched Dave get up and walk out. His heart sank in his chest, and despite the applause coming from all of the other kids, he felt like he was going to puke. He felt Santana's hands on him as his knees nearly buckled beneath him and then he was up, thrown over someone's shoulder and they were carrying him. He wanted to protest, because he had no idea who it was, but then he could see by looking at the guy's ass that it was quite clearly Finn. He wondered if he should be alarmed that he could tell it was Finn by his ass, but hey. They weren't really related, and he still stood by his previous beliefs that Finn was really attractive. He sighed, because he didn't need this treatment. His entire world was literally upside down right now, but he wasn't going to faint or be sick or anything. He'd just come close.

He found himself upright again and realized he was sitting in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs in the choir room. He was looking up at Santana and Finn when Blaine and Sebastian came running in.

"Is he okay?" Blaine gasped.

"We would have been here sooner, but we lost you guys in the crowd and got turned around. Stupid school." Sebastian muttered.

"I'm fine..." Kurt said, looking from Finn and Santana to Blaine and Sebastian. He shook his head, not comprehending. They weren't supposed to be here right now. They went to their own school miles away and what the hell were they doing here?

"Santana told us you were doing this. You think I was gonna miss it?" Blaine asked, smiling.

"You might as well have the whole group here to support you, right?" Sebastian asked softly, and Kurt cocked his head staring at Sebastian. He'd hesitated to call Sebastian a friend before, because he and Sebastian really hadn't gotten along in the past. Not to mention, Sebastian had blamed him for the failure of his last relationship, and Kurt really didn't see a way around that. He wondered for a moment if Blaine felt the same way about Dave, but then, would he be doing all of this if he did? But.. Sebastian was here to _support_ him.

"It definitely helps." Kurt smiled.

"And now's the part where I talk about what a fucking _idiot_ he is." Sebastian said heatedly.

"I think we _all_ agree on that. He didn't even _say_ anything. He just took off. Who _does_ that? I mean, if you don't want the person, you at least say something to them, right? Running off is so harsh." Blaine sighed.

Kurt sniffled, and god, he was crying. He didn't even realize it, but now he could feel the hot tears on his face. He thought he was done with the whole crying thing, but dammit, this hurt so much. A part of him knew this would happen, but the other part had hoped that maybe, just maybe Dave would see the light. But now he knew he was just going to have to accept this. Maybe they had all been wrong. Maybe Dave didn't want him back at all. Maybe Dave didn't love him anymore.

"Oh, Kurt." Santana said, wrapping her arms around Kurt, and he just buried his face in her neck, letting himself cry. Not that he could stop if he tried anyway. He felt Finn's arms around him and then Blaine and then Sebastian. He closed his eyes. Right now, he was hurting so badly, but later, he was going to be so happy over the fact that he had such amazing friends. Not having Dave was going to be hell, but with all of them by his side, maybe it would be a little more bearable.


	19. Hard To Say

**A/N: One more chapter after this! I'm _probably _going to post it later tonight, after I've slept. I'm on a nocturnal schedule, so when I do happen to wake up, it will be like a whole new day for me. So that counts, right? You guys aren't going to argue getting two chapters in one day, are you? Enjoy! :)**

* * *

Dave should have been prepared for the attack. He'd felt Santana's eyes on him, all of their eyes on him as he had walked out of the cafeteria after Kurt had sang. He hadn't known what to do. Did Kurt just expect him to run into his arms? Did Kurt just think that he could sing a song and everything would be fixed between them? He'd made it clear. He wasn't taking Kurt back. Kurt was better off without him.

He really should have known they'd come after him, though. Or, Santana, at least. Possibly Finn. But Blaine and Sebastian? Yeah, he hadn't been expecting that one. He knew Blaine and Kurt had broken up, mostly because of Facebook, but a little because of Santana. Even if he hadn't seen the new relationship status, she'd sent him a message telling him this was his chance.

"We need to talk." Santana's venomous voice came from behind him. He sighed warily and shut his locker, turning slowly.

"No, we don't."

"We do." Dave gripped his strap tightly, surprised to see the four of them standing there. He wondered for a moment where Kurt might be, but it was probable that he was in Glee club right now, where two of them actually should be at the moment.

"Look, say what you want, but it's not going to change anything." Dave rolled his eyes, trying to push past Finn.

"Dave, come on." Sebastian said from behind him, and Dave's stomach twisted. Sebastian knew better than anyone how much Dave loved Kurt, if only because it had destroyed their already ridiculous relationship. "You have no idea how much he needs you."

"And you do?" Dave hissed, spinning around to look at him.

"Yeah, actually," Sebastian shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Because I actually _talk_ to him, so I actually know what he wants. What he doesn't want. Who he loves. Who he doesn't."

"Which was never me." Blaine said quietly from beside Sebastian. He looked up at Dave, finally acknowledging the fact out loud. "He loves you."

"Yeah, well, he's better off. He'll see that someday." Dave said, finally pushing through them and walking away from the little group that continued to stare after him.

_The singer finished singing and she's walking out  
The singer sheds a tear, her fear of falling out _

He wouldn't look back. One was his friend, another was his ex, and somehow, he'd still ended up as their target. It was better if he got out of there before he did something he'd regret. He'd never lay a hand on Santana, but he couldn't say much for the other three. Okay, that was a lie. He didn't think he'd ever hit Finn or Sebastian out of anger, but he couldn't say the same for Blaine. He knew that it was irrational, but he hated Blaine for being with Kurt.

Wasn't that what he had wanted for Kurt? Him to have someone that loved him? He could see that Blaine loved Kurt. But had Blaine really given up Kurt because of Dave? It had to be the case, or... why else would he have been there with Finn, Santana, and Seb? He couldn't help but laugh as he thought about that little group. How on earth did that work out? Kurt and Seb had hated each other, Seb was pining after Blaine, and he'd be shocked if Finn and Santana had ever done anything but trade insults. Mostly Santana, though.

He sighed as he climbed into his car, heading for home.

_And it's hard to say how I feel today  
For years gone by and I cried _

The fact that Sebastian had talked with Kurt, that Sebastian knew what was going through Kurt's head these days and he didn't, really irritated him. It was hard to imagine the two of them sitting in a room together, talking about him. What had they talked about? What had they said about him? Had they traded notes and had a laugh at his expense? No, neither of them would do that. He wouldn't have put it past Sebastian before all of this, but Kurt? Never. Not if Kurt loved him like he apparently said he did.

Dave had to wonder if Santana had been on Kurt's side all this time. If maybe she had been pushing Dave because Kurt wanted her to. It would make sense, wouldn't it? She and Kurt seemed to be closer than ever. Dave suddenly felt like maybe their own friendship, however fucked up it might be, was just all a ruse in an attempt to get him to go back to Kurt. God, he knew she could be a manipulative bitch, but he never thought she'd make up an entire friendship in order to achieve some stupid little goal that she had.

_It's hard to say that I was wrong  
It's hard to say I miss you  
Since you've been gone, it's not the same _

Today was going to be another hard one. He had Kurt in his head now, and once that happened, the only thing that seemed to make him forget was alcohol. Sometimes not even that could do it, he realized as he thought about the stupid email that he'd sent to Kurt. If he hadn't sent that, he wouldn't be going through all of this right now...

Kurt had been over him. That was what he'd said in that stupid letter. He was letting him go or some bullshit, and yeah, it had hurt, but Dave figured that would make things easier for Kurt. If Kurt let him go, then he wouldn't be thinking about Dave anymore. He wouldn't want to be with Dave anymore. He could go on and live out his big fancy dreams in New York without Dave being some dead weight back home.

But he'd sent him _Hate Me_, of all songs. And he'd be damned if he knew what the fuck that message was supposed to say in the first place. He'd written it and he couldn't even make sense of it. He had the idea that it had something to do with Christmas, but other than that, nothing. That meant nothing next to the song he'd sent. Sending that song had been practically saying, "I love you and I miss you, but I don't deserve you."

He'd have been more surprised if Kurt hadn't come after him after that.

_My worries weigh the world, how I used to be  
And everything, I'm cold, seems a plague in me _

He let his bag fall with a thump and then collapsed on his bed. He was so tired and all he really wanted to do right now was just... not be. If he didn't exist, he wouldn't feel this ache in his chest because he couldn't have the one thing he wanted. It was probably worse because he had to literally push this thing away from him, for the thing's sake, of course. He wasn't scared. Okay, maybe a little. He wasn't scared of loving Kurt. He'd never been scared of loving Kurt. He was just scared that someday... Kurt was going to realize what Dave had always known. Kurt didn't need Dave to be somebody. Kurt didn't need Dave at all.

_And it's hard to say how I feel today  
For years gone by and I cried _

He took a deep breath and pulled a pillow over his head. He wasn't going to let himself cry. He hadn't cried in so long, and he wasn't going to do it now. It wasn't his fault that Kurt had opened up all of this. Kurt had done this, and Kurt was going to have to deal with all the pain that came with it. But dammit, why did he have to drag Dave into it? Why couldn't he have just let Dave be? He'd learned to deal with all of this over the summer, when he had been the worst. Actually, the worst had been those two weeks of school before they were out for the summer. At least during the summer, he hadn't had to see Kurt at all. That had made things just a little bit easier for him. Probably for Kurt as well.

He heard a knock at his door and could do little more than grunt. His father's car hadn't been in the drive, and Dave hadn't expected him to be home for a while. He heard the door open up and gave a small wave, not removing the pillow from his face. It wasn't long before the pillow was tugged away from him, and Santana was perched on the edge of his bed, looking down at him.

"San- Jesus! What are you doing here?" He gasped as he jerked away from her. First surprise, then anger flooded through him as he glared up at her. Why was she so goddamn persistent? He wondered if she'd be offended if he _did_ hit her. She was a girl, though. Damn.

"You're being a dumbass, and I came to make you see that." Santana said, shrugging. Dave growled and yanked his pillow from her hands, covering his face again.

"Fuck off, Santana. You only make things harder." He told her, his voice muffled.

"That's kind of the point." She said softly.

"What do you want? Is this some fucking game to you? It's our _lives_ and everything you're doing? It hurts."

"Dave," Santana said, tugging on the pillow. "Look at me, please."

There was something in her voice, a kind of desperation that made Dave curious. He slowly pulled the pillow away from his face to look at her. She looked so vulnerable, and it made absolutely not sense to Dave. He watched her take a deep breath, looking him in the eyes. She hadn't faked anything, he realized. It had all been real.

"I remember when you were outed last year. I kept thinking about how much braver you were than I would have been. And when we all realized that you and Kurt had been together all of that time and no one had a clue, I was impressed. Not only by the fact that you'd managed to keep it secret, but that Kurt had put up with it. We all know how he is about being out and proud and all of that. I mean, it didn't take me long to realize that it hadn't been easy because he'd been pushing it, but I was still amazed that he'd stayed by you all of that time, regardless. It made me realize that he loved you a whole hell of a lot. And the way you came out and told everyone that you were boyfriends, I saw how much you loved him, too. And how proud he was of you! God, the way he smiled. He was so _happy_. I thought, 'If Dave can be so okay after being outed, and they can still be together through all of that, I have a chance, right?' I looked up to you guys. And what you went through at prom? There is _no_ way I'd ever have been able to deal with that as bravely as you two had. I've never known anyone who has loved each other as much as you and Kurt did, and I know it's ridiculous to put so much into another person's relationship, but after you guys broke up, I was devastated. I watched you both basically drown in your sorrows, and I kept wondering if maybe there wasn't something that I could do. Because you guys belong together. You love each other so much, and I believe you guys can get through anything."

Dave didn't know what to say. Despite being so dysfunctional, his and Kurt's relationship had touched someone. They had given someone hope, when they themselves were just barely treading water. And of all people, it was _Santana_ they had given hope to. The hard, vicious, manipulative Santana. She wasn't any of that, though. Deep down, she had just been a scared girl who needed some proof that everything _would _be okay. He and Kurt had been that proof. No wonder she had pushed so hard for the two of them get back together. She was outside of it all, so she could step back and look at all of the things that they couldn't. What they had just seen as something they'd barely passed, she had seen some great victory taking place. Dave had never really realized how strong they had actually been. He'd always just focused on the fighting, the way they struggled, rather than what they had overcome. If you looked at it from Santana's view, it really was incredible.

"Have you ever told Kurt any of that?" Dave asked.

"No," Santana told him, shaking her head. "I mean, I think he probably gets it by the things we've talked about. But, I haven't exactly come out and said all of that to him. He never really needed to hear it. He believes in you guys as much as I do."

"He does?"

"Dave..." Santana sighed. "He loves and needs you just as much as you do him."

_It's hard to say that I was wrong  
It's hard to say I miss you  
Since you've been gone, it's not the same_

"But what if-"

"No," Santana said, cutting him off. "There's always going to be a place for you, you know. No matter where he goes or what he does, he'll make sure that you fit somewhere, because he wants you more than anything else. You gotta have faith, Dave."

_It's hard to say I held my tongue  
It's hard to say if only  
Since you've been gone, it's not the same _

"I really am a dumbass." Dave sighed.

"No disagreement here," Santana grinned. Dave rolled his eyes and smacked her with the pillow. She snatched it from him and held it. "So what are you going to do about it?"

"Well," Dave smiled. "When you've screwed up as horribly as I have, there's only one thing left to do."


	20. Here, There, and Everywhere

Kurt awoke with his head on Finn's shoulder. He looked around groggily, rubbing his eyes. The lights were off, the tv was off, the ice-cream cartons were gone. His dad must have come in here earlier, after they'd fallen asleep watching... what had they been watching? Oh, right. _P.S. I Love You_. He'd caught Finn crying a few times, and he'd been pleased. You weren't human if that movie didn't make you sad. It was still dark out, and a quick glance at his clock told him that it was two in the morning. So what had woken him? He looked around his room, trying to figure it out.

There it was. He heard music. Music he knew, at that. He licked at his lips as he searched around for his phone. He didn't have that as a ringtone, he was sure, but maybe it was playing randomly. Or something. He felt under the bed, his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth as he blindly searched for his phone. He knew it was under here somewhere... aha! His hand closed around it and he pulled it up from under the bed. Nope. He'd shut it off earlier. He set it up on top of his nightstand. There was no use in turning it on right now.

But that didn't explain where the music was coming from. It stopped for a moment, and he felt frustrated. He hadn't even figured out where it was coming from. He heard a small chink and whipped his head toward his window. No, he was just imagining that. He heard it again, watched as a small pebble hit his window. Blinking, he went to the window and looked down to see... No. He rubbed his eyes. He had to be dreaming this.

Dreaming or not, he was going to enjoy it. He opened up his window so he could hear better. Dave didn't smile, just looked up at him. Kurt didn't offer any words. He wouldn't know what to say, anyway. When Dave began to play the song again, Kurt couldn't help but smile. The fact that it was a Beatles song didn't surprise him at all.

_To lead a better life I need my love to be here... _

Kurt closed his eyes, listening to Dave's sweet voice. He was falling in love all over again, but he didn't care any more. He'd accepted the fact that he was always going to love Dave. Kurt was pretty convinced that this was all just a dream, but hell, if he couldn't have Dave in his waking life, he'd cling to the dream Dave.

_Here, making each day of the year  
Changing my life with the wave of his hand  
Nobody can deny that there's something there _

"I forgot how good he sings," Finn whispered and Kurt jumped, eyes opening to look sideways at Finn. He studied Finn's smiling face for a moment. He opened his mouth to say something, but then Finn pinched him and said, "Not a dream." Kurt smacked Finn, but couldn't deny that it had hurt. So, if this wasn't a dream, it meant that Dave was really here, singing to him. A love song, at that. A really pretty love song. His heart leaped in his chest.

_There, running my hands through his hair  
Both of us thinking how good it can be  
Someone is speaking but he doesn't know he's there _

Kurt heard another window open, and he was sure that it was his father and Carole. He didn't care if his dad yelled at them for this. He could hardly believe that any of this was happening. It was taking everything in him not to jump up right now, run downstairs, and quite possibly try to tackle Dave to the ground. He could do that if Dave wasn't prepared for it. His mind wasn't rational enough to take in the fact that he was barefoot, in pajamas, and it was freezing outside. There was snow on the ground. Snow. Dave was outside singing in the snow.

_I want him everywhere and if he's beside me  
I know I need never care  
But to love him is to need him everywhere  
Knowing that love is to share _

Kurt felt giddy. This was the kind of thing that only happened in movies. But this wasn't a movie, and he and Dave were real people. Dave was actually down there serenading him with a love song. Kurt grinned down at him. Dave only did this sort of thing if he thought he was in a lot of trouble. And he wasn't. Not really. Kurt could never push him away for walking out on him seven months ago or earlier today in the cafeteria. He'd never be able to push Dave away for anything.

_Each one believing that love never dies  
Watching his eyes and hoping I'm always there_

So was this it, then? Did this mean that Kurt was going to get what he wanted? Was this Dave saying that he wanted Kurt, that they would be together, no matter what? Well, maybe it wasn't all of that right now. Maybe this was just simply Dave saying that he loved Kurt. They'd done that whole "no-labels" thing last year. Which, he hadn't always been happy with, but it had worked for him because Dave wasn't out yet. Not then, anyway. But what did all of this mean?

_I want him everywhere and if he's beside me  
I know I need never care  
But to love him is to need him everywhere  
Knowing that love is to share_

Kurt suddenly realized that Dave had changed all of the pronouns in the song. God, he didn't think he could love this man any more than he did right now. When he serenaded someone, he did it right. He giggled a little, covering his mouth and looking over at Finn, who was grinning widely. He looked back down at Dave, who was just grinning up at him with a goofy smile.

_Each one believing that love never dies  
Watching his eyes and hoping I'm always there_

_I will be there and everywhere  
Here, there and everywhere _

Kurt didn't hesitate. He jumped to his feet, ignoring Finn's demands that he put on his slippers at least, and raced down the stairs. He grew frustrated as he fumbled with the locks on the door, desperately trying to get rid of the last thing standing in the way of having Dave. Grinning with triumph, he yanked the door open and was immediately picked up by Dave. Dave was laughing as he spun him around, Kurt giggling happily. Neither of them were aware – nor would they have cared – that they had an audience as Dave gently set Kurt down on his feet. Dave gently stroked Kurt's cheek, and Kurt leaned into the touch. Dave leaned in, pressing his lips to Kurt's. Kurt raised up on his toes, wrapping his arms around Dave's neck and hungrily kissing him back.

Burt cleared his throat and the two turned to see Burt, Carole, and Finn standing there watching them. Kurt's cheeks reddened as he realized that this probably would have turned into a pretty intense make-out session if they hadn't been there. Kurt was pretty sure Carole was crying, and Finn was hiding his face, but Kurt knew he had tears in his eyes as well. Finn could be a sap, too.

"This mean you'll be staying over, kid?" Burt asked and Dave raised an eyebrow at Kurt, who nodded in answer to his father.

"If I hear _anything_-"

"You won't, Dad." Kurt said, cutting his father off.

"Good. It's about time you two knuckleheads got it together," Burt said, grinning. Kurt just rolled his eyes, and Dave laughed. Kurt was pretty sure no one was going to be sleeping after this, because everyone just seemed to damn giddy to do so. "And Dave?"

"Yes, sir?"

"It's good to have you back, son." With that, Burt and Carole turned and went back up to their room, Finn following close behind. Dave opened his mouth to say something, but Kurt shook his head and led him up to his room. Once the door was closed tight behind them, Kurt wrapped his arms tightly around Dave and started to cry.

"I'm so sorry, Kurt." Dave said quietly as he held Kurt tightly. Kurt knew that there was more that Dave wanted to say, but he also knew that Dave just couldn't say it.

"Never again," Kurt managed to get out. "Never leave me again."

"Never." Dave agreed, pulling him towards the bed and sitting down with him. He stroked Kurt's hair, murmuring sweet little things about always being there and never leaving and for the first time in a while, Kurt felt like everything was... right. Dave was here. Dave was his again. He pulled away from Dave's neck, smiling up at him through his tears. Dave wiped away his tears and cupped his face in his hands as he kissed his forehead, his nose, his cheek, and then finally his mouth.

"God, I missed you. I missed you so much," Dave said, his voice breaking.

"I missed you too," Kurt whispered, his hands tightly holding onto Dave as if Dave was just going to slip away from him at any moment. He had him now. He couldn't let him go. Not ever again. Dave's lips were on his again, and Kurt swore that he'd never tire of Dave's kisses. He slipped off Dave's jacket and tossed it to the end of the bed. Dave laid back, pulling Kurt down with him. Kurt pulled back, smiling down at Dave. "I can hardly believe you're here."

"Well believe it buddy, 'cause I'm not going anywhere."

"You better not. We're totally skipping school tomorrow."

"Like I was going to give you a choice."

Kurt giggled and kissed Dave before snuggling up to him and resting his head on Dave's shoulder. He sighed happily, enjoying the feel of Dave's hand running up and down his back. He was in his own personal heaven, only it wasn't heaven at all. All of this was real. He was really laying here in Dave's arms. He shifted, resting his head on Dave's chest so that he could hear his heartbeat. All of this was real, and nothing could ever take Dave away from him.

* * *

As he slipped back into consciousness, he became aware that he was alone in the bed. His eyes snapped open as he searched around the room for Dave, but Dave was nowhere to be found, and there was no sign that he'd been there, either. Kurt laid back, sighing. He knew it all had just been a dream. Dave coming back to him, serenading him... it was all too good to be true, wasn't it? He should have realized last night.

"Dude," Finn said, coming into Kurt's room. Kurt glanced up at him and then over at his clock. It was almost noon,and Kurt was rather shocked because he _never_ slept that long. Finn came to the side of his bed, holding out a cup of coffee. "Here."

"Did you make it?" Kurt asked suspiciously. The last time Finn had made coffee, he'd made it unbelievably strong. So when he'd made Kurt a cup, he'd added tons of sugar, and so it had been more like a syrup than coffee.

"Nah. Dave did. He's making brunch now."

"Really?" Kurt asked. Okay, so maybe he hadn't been dreaming after all.

"Yeah, goof," Finn grinned sitting down on the edge of the bed. "How's it feel?"

"It's fucking fantastic, Finn," Kurt gushed. "I forgot what this was like, being this happy. I'm all giddy again."

"Good. The other's will love that." Finn said, nodding.

"Others?" Kurt quirked an eyebrow, looking at Finn.

"Yeah..." Finn said, laughing. "When you and Dave didn't show up for school, Santana wasn't sure whether it'd gone good or bad. She tried to call you, but your phone was off. So she called Dave, and he said he was over here. So, of course, she called Blaine and Blaine told Sebastian and they're all down in the kitchen."

"Are they pleased?" Kurt asked, already knowing the answer.

"Well duh. San wanted to come up and give you a rude awakening, but Dave wouldn't let her. He sent me up with a cup of coffee and..." Finn turned red here, and Kurt was already laughing because it was like Dave to send Finn with some awkward message. "He wanted me to tell you that it took a lot not to... to... yeah, whatever. He can tell you himself."

"Oh my god," Kurt laughed. "Oh god."

"Why can't he just tell you these things himself?" Finn muttered.

"Well," Kurt sighed, sitting up. "You make it too fun. If you didn't seem bothered by it, it wouldn't be fun for him. Or me."

Finn rolled his eyes and got up, tugging Kurt out of the bed. Kurt hurried through his shower, wanting most to see his friends and his boyfriend all together in his kitchen. In his house. Kurt grabbed his now cold coffee and headed downstairs and into the kitchen, where everyone was sitting around and laughing. Kurt headed for the coffee machine, topping off his cup of coffee. Dave came up behind him, wrapping his arms around him and murmuring in his ear. Kurt laughed, both at what Dave said and at the catcalls that came from the kitchen table.

He chuckled, turning around and kissing Dave. Dave pulled back after a moment, grinning at Kurt. Dave led him over to the table, where an assortment of food – god, Kurt had missed Dave's cooking – was waiting for the whole group. They talked and laughed as they dug in, eating most of what Dave had cooked. The end of the meal found Kurt snuggling into Dave's side, Blaine and Sebastian holding hands under the table, and Finn and Santana laughing as they bickered back and forth. Brittany sat close to Santana, a proud smile on her face. Kurt couldn't tell who was happiest, but at this point, it didn't matter. He had Dave, he had his best friends, and he just didn't think life could get any better than this.

* * *

**A/N: Well, that was it guys. I contemplated having Kurt turn Dave away when he serenaded him, but that would have just been even more heartbreaking, wouldn't it? So, it's done. I want to thank all of you who read, favorited, put on alert, and especially those of you who reviewed. The reviews really helped me so much, and I was very grateful for those. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. :)**


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